In proportion as he meditated，they grew before the eyes of his spirit.They had now attained colossal statures，and it seemed to him that he beheld within himself，in that infinity of which we were recently speaking，in the midst of the darkness and the lights，a goddess and a giant contending.
He was filled with terror；but it seemed to him that the good thought was getting the upper hand.
He felt that he was on the brink of the second decisive crisis of his conscience and of his destiny；that the Bishop had marked the first phase of his new life，and that Champmathieu marked the second.After the grand crisis，the grand test.
But the fever，allayed for an instant，gradually resumed possession of him.
A thousand thoughts traversed his mind，but they continued to fortify him in his resolution.
One moment he said to himself that he was，perhaps，taking the matter too keenly；that，after all，this Champmathieu was not interesting，and that he had actually been guilty of theft.
He answered himself：
'If this man has，indeed，stolen a few apples，that means a month in prison.
It is a long way from that to the galleys.And who knows？
Did he steal？
Has it been proved？
The name of Jean Valjean overwhelms him，and seems to dispense with proofs.Do not the attorneys for the Crown always proceed in this manner？He is supposed to be a thief because he is known to be a convict.'
In another instant the thought had occurred to him that，when he denounced himself，the heroism of his deed might，perhaps，be taken into consideration，and his honest life for the last seven years，and what he had done for the district，and that they would have mercy on him.
But this supposition vanished very quickly，and he smiled bitterly as he remembered that the theft of the forty sous from little Gervais put him in the position of a man guilty of a second offence after conviction，that this affair would certainly come up，and，according to the precise terms of the law，would render him liable to penal servitude for life.
He turned aside from all illusions，detached himself more and more from earth，and sought strength and consolation elsewhere.He told himself that he must do his duty；that perhaps he should not be more unhappy after doing his duty than after having avoided it；that if he allowed things to take their own course，if he remained at M.sur M.，his consideration，his good name，his good works，the deference and veneration paid to him，his charity，his wealth，his popularity，his virtue，would be seasoned with a crime.And what would be the taste of all these holy things when bound up with this hideous thing？while，if he accomplished his sacrifice，a celestial idea would be mingled with the galleys，the post，the iron necklet，the green cap，unceasing toil，and pitiless shame.
At length he told himself that it must be so，that his destiny was thus allotted，that he had not authority to alter the arrangements made on high，that，in any case，he must make his choice：
virtue without and abomination within，or holiness within and infamy without.
The stirring up of these lugubrious ideas did not cause his courage to fail，but his brain grow weary.
He began to think of other things，of indifferent matters，in spite of himself.
The veins in his temples throbbed violently；he still paced to and fro；midnight sounded first from the parish church，then from the town-hall；he counted the twelve strokes of the two clocks，and compared the sounds of the two bells；he recalled in this connection the fact that，a few days previously，he had seen in an ironmonger's shop an ancient clock for sale，upon which was written the name，Antoine-Albin de Romainville.
He was cold；he lighted a small fire；it did not occur to him to close the window.
In the meantime he had relapsed into his stupor；he was obliged to make a tolerably vigorous effort to recall what had been the subject of his thoughts before midnight had struck；he finally succeeded in doing this.
'Ah！yes，'he said to himself，'I had resolved to inform against myself.'
And then，all of a sudden，he thought of Fantine.
'Hold！'said he，'and what about that poor woman？'
Here a fresh crisis declared itself.
Fantine，by appearing thus abruptly in his revery，produced the effect of an unexpected ray of light；it seemed to him as though everything about him were undergoing a change of aspect：
he exclaimed：——
'Ah！but I have hitherto considered no one but myself；it is proper for me to hold my tongue or to denounce myself，to conceal my person or to save my soul，to be a despicable and respected magistrate，or an infamous and venerable convict；it is I，it is always I and nothing but I：but，good God！all this is egotism；these are diverse forms of egotism，but it is egotism all the same.What if I were to think a little about others？
The highest holiness is to think of others；come，let us examine the matter.The_I_excepted，the_I_effaced，the_I_forgotten，what would be the result of all this？
What if I denounce myself？
I am arrested；this Champmathieu is released；I am put back in the galleys；that is well——and what then？
What is going on here？
Ah！here is a country，a town，here are factories，an industry，workers，both men and women，aged grandsires，children，poor people！
All this I have created；all these I provide with their living；everywhere where there is a smoking chimney，it is I who have placed the brand on the hearth and meat in the pot；I have created ease，circulation，credit；before me there was nothing；I have elevated，vivified，informed with life，fecundated，stimulated，enriched the whole country-side；lacking me，the soul is lacking；I take myself off，everything dies：and this woman，who has suffered so much，who possesses so many merits in spite of her fall；the cause of all whose misery I have unwittingly been！
And that child whom I meant to go in search of，whom I have promised to her mother；do I not also owe something to this woman，in reparation for the evil which I have done her？If I disappear，what happens？