When I have given this security I shall have time to look about me;and you are so clever that if you turn your mind to managing you will school me into carefulness. I have been a thoughtless rascal about squaring prices--but come, dear, sit down and forgive me."Lydgate was bowing his neck under the yoke like a creature who had talons, but who had Reason too, which often reduces us to meekness. When he had spoken the last words in an imploring tone, Rosamond returned to the chair by his side. His self-blame gave her some hope that he would attend to her opinion, and she said--"Why can you not put off having the inventory made? You can send the men away to-morrow when they come.""I shall not send them away," said Lydgate, the peremptoriness rising again. Was it of any use to explain?
"If we left Middlemarch? there would of course be a sale, and that would do as well.""But we are not going to leave Middlemarch.""I am sure, Tertius, it would be much better to do so. Why can we not go to London? Or near Durham, where your family is known?""We can go nowhere without money, Rosamond.""Your friends would not wish you to be without money. And surely these odious tradesmen might be made to understand that, and to wait, if you would make proper representations to them.""This is idle Rosamond," said Lydgate, angrily. "You must learn to take my judgment on questions you don't understand.
I have made necessary arrangements, and they must be carried out.
As to friends, I have no expectations whatever from them, and shall not ask them for anything."Rosamond sat perfectly still. The thought in her mind was that if she had known how Lydgate would behave, she would never have married him.
"We have no time to waste now on unnecessary words, dear,"said Lydgate, trying to be gentle again. "There are some details that I want to consider with you. Dover says he will take a good deal of the plate back again, and any of the jewellery we like.
He really behaves very well."
"Are we to go without spoons and forks then?" said Rosamond, whose very lips seemed to get thinner with the thinness of her utterance.
She was determined to make no further resistance or suggestions.
"Oh no, dear!" said Lydgate. "But look here," he continued, drawing a paper from his pocket and opening it; "here is Dover's account. See, I have marked a number of articles, which if we returned them would reduce the amount by thirty pounds.
and more. I have not marked any of the jewellery." Lydgate had really felt this point of the jewellery very bitter to himself;but he had overcome the feeling by severe argument. He could not propose to Rosamond that she should return any particular present of his, but he had told himself that he was bound to put Dover's offer before her, and her inward prompting might make the affair easy.
"It is useless for me to look, Tertius," said Rosamond, calmly;"you will return what you please." She would not turn her eyes on the paper, and Lydgate, flushing up to the roots of his hair, drew it back and let it fall on his knee. Meanwhile Rosamond quietly went out of the room, leaving Lydgate helpless and wondering.
Was she not coming back? It seemed that she had no more identified herself with him than if they had been creatures of different species and opposing interests. He tossed his head and thrust his hands deep into his pockets with a sort of vengeance. There was still science--there were still good objects to work for. He must give a tug still--all the stronger because other satisfactions were going.
But the door opened and Rosamond re-entered. She carried the leather box containing the amethysts, and a tiny ornamental basket which contained other boxes, and laying them on the chair where she had been sitting, she said, with perfect propriety in her air--"This is all the jewellery you ever gave me. You can return what you like of it, and of the plate also. You will not, of course, expect me to stay at home to-morrow. I shall go to papa's."To many women the look Lydgate cast at her would have been more terrible than one of anger: it had in it a despairing acceptance of the distance she was placing between them.
"And when shall you come back again?" he said, with a bitter edge on his accent.
"Oh, in the evening. Of course I shall not mention the subject to mamma." Rosamond was convinced that no woman could behave more irreproachably than she was behaving; and she went to sit down at her work-table. Lydgate sat meditating a minute or two, and the result was that he said, with some of the old emotion in his tone--"Now we have been united, Rosy, you should not leave me to myself in the first trouble that has come.""Certainly not," said Rosamond; "I shall do everything it becomes me to do.""It is not right that the thing should be left to servants, or that Ishould have to speak to them about it. And I shall be obliged to go out--I don't know how early. I understand your shrinking from the humiliation of these money affairs. But, my dear Rosamond, as a question of pride, which I feel just as much as you can, it is surely better to manage the thing ourselves, and let the servants see as little of it as possible; and since you are my wife, there is no hindering your share in my disgraces--if there were disgraces."Rosamond did not answer immediately, but at last she said, "Very well, I will stay at home.""I shall not touch these jewels, Rosy. Take them away again.
But I will write out a list of plate that we may return, and that can be packed up and sent at once.""The servants will know THAT," said Rosamond, with the slightest touch of sarca**.
"Well, we must meet some disagreeables as necessities. Where is the ink, I wonder?" said Lydgate, rising, and throwing the account on the larger table where he meant to write.
Rosamond went to reach the inkstand, and after setting it on the table was going to turn away, when Lydgate, who was standing close by, put his arm round her and drew her towards him, saying--"Come, darling, let us make the best of things. It will only be for a time, I hope, that we shall have to be stingy and particular.
Kiss me."
His native warm-heartedness took a great deal of quenching, and it is a part of manliness for a husband to feel keenly the fact that an inexperienced girl has got into trouble by marrying him.
She received his kiss and returned it faintly, and in this way an appearance of accord was recovered for the time. But Lydgate could not help looking forward with dread to the inevitable future discussions about expenditure and the necessity for a complete change in their way of living.