We were once Catholics and carried Saint Colman of Cloyne about wid us in a box; but after hearing a sermon at a church about images, we went home, took the saint out of his box and cast him into a river.""Oh it will never do to belong to the Popish religion, a religion which upholds idol-worship and persecutes the Bible - you should belong to the Church of England.""Well, perhaps we should, yere hanner, if its ministers were not such proud violent men. Oh, you little know how they look down upon all poor people, especially on us tramps. Once my poor aunt, Tourlough's wife, who has always had stronger conviction than any of us, followed one of them home after he had been preaching, and begged him to give her God, and was told by him that she was a thief, and if she didn't take herself out of the house he would kick her out.""Perhaps, after all," said I; "you had better join the Methodists -I should say that their ways would suit you better than those of any other denomination of Christians."Yere hanner knows nothing about them, otherwise ye wouldn't talk in that manner. Their ways would never do for people who want to have done with lying and staring, and have always kept themselves clane from striopachas. Their word is not worth a rotten straw, yere hanner, and in every transaction which they have with people they try to cheat and overreach - ask my uncle Tourlough, who has had many dealings with them. But what is far worse, they do that which the wildest calleen t'other side of Ougteraarde would be burnt rather than do. Who can tell ye more on that point than I, yere hanner? I have been at their chapels at nights, and have listened to their screaming prayers, and have seen what's been going on outside the chapels after their services, as they call them, were over - I never saw the like going on outside Father Toban's chapel, yere hanner! Yere hanner's hanner asked me if I ever did anything in the way of striopachas - now I tell ye that I was never asked to do anything in that line but by one of them folks - a great man amongst them he was, both in the way of business and prayer, for he was a commercial traveller during six days of the week and a preacher on the seventh - and such a preacher. Well, one Sunday night after he had preached a sermon an hour-and-a-half long, which had put half a dozen women into what they call static fits, he overtook me in a dark street and wanted me to do striopachas with him - he didn't say striopachas, yer hanner, for he had no Irish -but he said something in English which was the same thing.""And what did you do?"
"Why, I asked him what he meant by ****** fun of a poor ugly girl -for no one knows better than myself, yere hanner, that I am very ugly - whereupon he told me that he was not ****** fun of me, for it had long been the chief wish of his heart to commit striopachas with a wild Irish Papist, and that he believed if he searched the world he should find none wilder than myself.""And what did you reply?"
"Why, I said to him, yere hanner, that I would tell the congregation, at which he laughed and said that he wished I would, for that the congregation would say they didn't believe me, though at heart they would, and would like him all the better for it.""Well, and what did you say then?"
"Nothing, at all, yere hanner; but I spat in his face and went home and told my uncle Tourlough, who forthwith took out a knife and began to sharp it on a whetstone, and I make no doubt would have gone and stuck the fellow like a pig, had not my poor aunt begged him not on her knees. After that we had nothing more to do with the Methodists as far as religion went.""Did this affair occur in England or Wales?""In the heart of England, yere hanner; we have never been to the Welsh chapels, for we know little of the language.""Well, I am glad it didn't happen in Wales: I have rather a high opinion of the Welsh Methodist. The worthiest creature I ever knew was a Welsh Methodist. And now I must leave you and make the best of my way to Chepstow.""Can't yere hanner give me God before ye go?""I can give you half-a-crown to help you on your way to America.""I want no half-crowns, yere hanner; but if ye would give me God I'd bless ye.""What do you mean by giving you God?"
"Putting Him in my heart by some good counsel which will guide me through life.""The only good counsel I can give you is to keep the commandments;one of them it seems you have always kept. Follow the rest and you can't go very wrong.""I wish I knew them better than I do, yere hanner.""Can't you read?"
"Oh no, yere hanner, I can't read, neither can Tourlough nor his wife.""Well, learn to read as soon as possible. When you have got to America and settled down you will have time enough to learn to read.""Shall we be better, yere hanner, after we have learnt to read?""Let's hope you will."
"One of the things, yere hanner, that have made us stumble is that some of the holy women, who have come to our tent and read the Bible to us, have afterwards asked my aunt and me to tell them their fortunes.""If they have, the more shame for them, for they can have no excuse. Well, whether you learn to read or not, still eschew striopachas, don't steal, don't deceive, and worship God in spirit, not in image. That's the best counsel I can give you.""And very good counsel it is, yere hanner, and I will try to follow it, and now, yere hanner, let us go our two ways."We placed our glasses upon the bar and went out. In the middle of the road we shook hands and parted, she going towards Newport and Itowards Chepstow. After walking a few yards I turned round and looked after her. There she was in the damp lowering afternoon wending her way slowly through mud and puddle, her upper form huddled in the rough frieze mantle, and her coarse legs bare to the top of the calves. "Surely," said I to myself, "there never was an object less promising in appearance. Who would think that there could be all the good sense and proper feeling in that uncouth girl which there really is?"