书城公版THE MILL ON THE FLOSS
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第167章

`There's no time to spare, Tom,' said Maggie, as soon as Bob had left the room.`I must tell you at once what I came about, else I shall be hindering you from taking your dinner.'

Tom stood with his back against the chimney piece and Maggie was seated opposite the light.He noticed that she was tremulous, and he had a presentiment of the subject she was going to speak about.The presentiment made his voice colder and harder as he said, `What is it?'

This tone roused a spirit of resistance in Maggie and she put her request in quite a different form from the one she had predetermined on.She rose from her seat and looking straight at Tom, said, `I want you to absolve me from my promise about Philip Wakem.Or rather, I promised you not to see him without telling you.I am come to tell you that I wish to see him.'

`Very well,' said Tom, still more coldly.

But Maggie had hardly finished speaking in that chill, defiant manner, before she repented and felt the dread of alienation from her brother.

`Not for myself, dear Tom.Don't be angry.I shouldn't have asked it, only that Philip, you know, is a friend of Lucy's, and she wishes him to come - has invited him to come this evening, and I told her I couldn't see him without telling you.I shall only see him in the presence of other people.There will never be anything secret between us again.'

Tom looked away from Maggie, knitting his brow more strongly for a little while.Then he turned to her and said slowly and emphatically--`You know what is my feeling on that subject, Maggie.There is no need for my repeating anything I said a year ago.While my father was living, I felt bound to use the utmost power over you, to prevent you from disgracing him as well as yourself and all of us.But now I must leave you to your own choice.You wish to be independent - you told me so after my father's death.My opinion is not changed.If you think of Philip Wakem as a lover again, you must give up me.'

`I don't wish it, dear Tom - at least as things are - I see that it would lead to misery.But I shall soon go away to another situation, and I should like to be friends with him again while I am here.Lucy wishes it.'

The severity of Tom's face relaxed a little.

`I shouldn't mind your seeing him occasionally at my uncle's - I don't want you to make a fuss on the subject.But I have no confidence in you, Maggie.You would be led away to do anything.'

That was a cruel word.Maggie's lip began to tremble.

`Why will you say that, Tom? It is very hard of you.Have I not done and borne everthing as well as I could? And I have kept my word to you - when - when...My life has not been a happy one any more than yours.'

She was obliged to be childish - the tears would come.When Maggie was not angry, she was as dependent on kind or cold words as a daisy on the sunshine or the cloud: the need of being loved would always subdue her as in old days it subdued her in the worm-eaten attic.The brother's goodness came uppermost at this appeal, but it could only show itself in Tom's fashion.

He put his hand gently on her arm and said in the tone of a kind pedagogue, `Now listen to me, Maggie: I'll tell you what I mean.You're always in extremes - you have no judgment and self-command; and yet you think you know best, and will not submit to be guided.You know I didn't wish you to take a situation.My aunt Pullet was willing to give you a good home, and you might have lived respectably amongst your relations until I could have provided a home for you with my mother.And that is what Ishould like to do.I wished my sister to be a lady, and I would always have taken care of you as my father desired, until you were well married.

But your ideas and mine never accord, and you will not give way.Yet you might have sense enough to see that a brother, who goes out into the world and mixes with men, necessarily knows better what is right and respectable for his sister than she can know herself.You think I am not kind - but my kindness can only be directed by what I believe to be good for you.'

`Yes - I know - dear Tom,' said Maggie, still half-sobbing, but trying to control her tears.`I know you would do a great deal for me - I know how you work and don't spare yourself.I am grateful to you.But, indeed, you can't quite judge for me - our natures our very different.You don't know how differently things affect me from what they do you.'