"Aha, then it's only a suggestion! And it does not come from him but simply from the generosity of your own warm heart.You should have said so.No, in that case allow me to tell you of your brother's highly chivalrous soldierly generosity, for he did give expression to it at the time.He left off dragging me by my beard and released me: 'You are an officer,' he said, 'and I am an officer, if you can find a decent man to be your second send me your challenge.I will give satisfaction, though you are a scoundrel.' That's what he said.Achivalrous spirit indeed! I retired with Ilusha, and that scene is a family record imprinted forever on Ilusha's soul.No, it's not for us to claim the privileges of noblemen.Judge for yourself.You've just been in our mansion, what did you see there? Three ladies, one a cripple and weak-minded, another a cripple and hunchback and the third not crippled but far too clever.She is a student, dying to get back to Petersburg, to work for the emancipation of the Russian woman on the banks of the Neva.I won't speak of Ilusha, he is only nine.I am alone in the world, and if I die, what will become of all of them? I simply ask you that.And if I challenge him and he kills me on the spot, what then? What will become of them? And worse still, if he doesn't kill me but only cripples me: I couldn't work, but Ishould still be a mouth to feed.Who would feed it and who would feed them all? Must I take Ilusha from school and send him to beg in the streets? That's what it means for me to challenge him to a duel.
It's silly talk and nothing else."
"He will beg your forgiveness, he will bow down at your feet in the middle of the marketplace," cried Alyosha again, with glowing eyes.
"I did think of prosecuting him," the captain went on, "but look in our code, could I get much compensation for a personal injury?
And then Agrafena Alexandrovna* sent for me and shouted at me:
'Don't dare to dream of it! If you proceed against him, I'll publish it to all the world that he beat you for your dishonesty, and then you will be prosecuted.' I call God to witness whose was the dishonesty and by whose commands I acted, wasn't it by her own and Fyodor Pavlovitch's? And what's more,' she went on, 'I'll dismiss you for good and you'll never earn another penny from me.I'll speak to my merchant too' (that's what she calls her old man) 'and he will dismiss you!' And if he dismisses me, what can I earn then from anyone?
Those two are all I have to look to, for your Fyodor Pavlovitch has not only given over employing me, for another reason, but he means to make use of papers I've signed to go to law against me.And so Ikept quiet, and you have seen our retreat.But now let me ask you: did Ilusha hurt your finger much? I didn't like to go into it in our mansion before him."* Grushenka.
"Yes, very much, and he was in a great fury.He was avenging you on me as a Karamazov, I see that now.But if only you had seen how he was throwing stones at his schoolfellows! It's very dangerous.They might kill him.They are children and stupid.A stone may be thrown and break somebody's head.""That's just what has happened.He has been bruised by a stone to-day.Not on the head but on the chest, just above the heart.He came home crying and groaning and now he is ill.""And you know he attacks them first.He is bitter against them on your account.They say he stabbed a boy called Krassotkin with a penknife not long ago.""I've heard about that too, it's dangerous.Krassotkin is an official here, we may hear more about it.""I would advise you," Alyosha went on warmly, "not to send him to school at all for a time till he is calmer.and his anger is passed.""Anger!" the captain repeated, "that's just what it is.He is a little creature, but it's a mighty anger.You don't know all, sir.Let me tell you more.Since that incident all the boys have been teasing him about the 'wisp of tow.' Schoolboys are a merciless race, individually they are angels, but together, especially in schools, they are often merciless.Their teasing has stiffed up a gallant spirit in Ilusha.An ordinary boy, a weak son, would have submitted, have felt ashamed of his father, sir, but he stood up for his father against them all.For his father and for truth and justice.For what he suffered when he kissed your brother's hand and cried to him 'Forgive father, forgive him,'- that only God knows- and I, his father.For our children- not your children, but ours- the children of the poor gentlemen looked down upon by everyone- know what justice means, sir, even at nine years old.How should the rich know? They don't explore such depths once in their lives.But at that moment in the square when he kissed his hand, at that moment my Ilusha had grasped all that justice means.That truth entered into him and crushed him for ever, sir," the captain said hotly again with a sort of frenzy, and he struck his right fist against his left palm as though he wanted to show how "the truth" crushed Ilusha."That very day, sir, he fell ill with fever and was delirious all night.All that day he hardly said a word to me, but I noticed he kept watching me from the corner, though he turned to the window and pretended to be learning his lessons.But I could see his mind was not on his lessons.
Next day I got drunk to forget my troubles, sinful man as I am, and I don't remember much.Mamma began crying, too- I am very fond of mamma- well, I spent my last penny drowning my troubles.Don't despise me for that, sir, in Russia men who drink are the best.The best men amongst us are the greatest drunkards.I lay down and I don't remember about Ilusha, though all that day the boys had been jeering at him at school.'Wisp of tow,' they shouted, 'your father was pulled out of the tavern by his wisp of tow, you ran by and begged forgiveness.'