--'I wish, Dr. Slop,' quoth my uncle Toby, (repeating his wish for Dr. Slop a second time, and with a degree of more zeal and earnestness in his manner of wishing, than he had wished at first (Vide.))--'I wish, Dr. Slop,' quoth my uncle Toby, 'you had seen what prodigious armies we had in Flanders.'
My uncle Toby's wish did Dr. Slop a disservice which his heart never intended any man,--Sir, it confounded him--and thereby putting his ideas first into confusion, and then to flight, he could not rally them again for the soul of him.
In all disputes,--male or female,--whether for honour, for profit, or for love,--it makes no difference in the case;--nothing is more dangerous, Madam, than a wish coming sideways in this unexpected manner upon a man: the safest way in general to take off the force of the wish, is for the party wish'd at, instantly to get upon his legs--and wish the wisher something in return, of pretty near the same value,--so balancing the account upon the spot, you stand as you were--nay sometimes gain the advantage of the attack by it.
This will be fully illustrated to the world in my chapter of wishes.--Dr. Slop did not understand the nature of this defence;--he was puzzled with it, and it put an entire stop to the dispute for four minutes and a half;--five had been fatal to it:--my father saw the danger--the dispute was one of the most interesting disputes in the world, 'Whether the child of his prayers and endeavours should be born without a head or with one:'--he waited to the last moment, to allow Dr. Slop, in whose behalf the wish was made, his right of returning it; but perceiving, I say, that he was confounded, and continued looking with that perplexed vacuity of eye which puzzled souls generally stare with--first in my uncle Toby's face--then in his--then up--then down--then east--east and by east, and so on,--coasting it along by the plinth of the wainscot till he had got to the opposite point of the compass,--and that he had actually begun to count the brass nails upon the arm of his chair,--my father thought there was no time to be lost with my uncle Toby, so took up the discourse as follows.