'It does not matter in the least,' said Lily. 'As Mrs Arabin said that perhaps you might call, I would not be out of the way. I suppose that Sir Raffle was keeping you and that you wouldn't come.'
'Sir Raffle was not keeping me. I fell asleep. That's the truth of it.'
'I am so sorry that you should have been disturbed!'
'Do not laugh at me, Lily--today. I had been travelling a good deal, and I suppose I was tired.'
'I won't laugh at you,' she said, and her eyes became full of tears--she did not know why. But there they were, and she was ashamed to put up her handkerchief, and she could not bring herself to turn away her face, and she had no resource but that he should see them.
'Lily!' he said.
'What a paladin you have been, John, rushing all about Europe on your friend's behalf!'
'Don't talk about that.'
'And such a successful paladin too! Why am I not to talk about it? I am going home tomorrow, and I mean to talk about nothing else for a week. Iam so very, very, glad that you have saved your cousin.' Then she did put up her handkerchief, ****** believe that her tears had been due to Mr Crawley. But John Eames knew better than that.
'Lily,' he said, 'I've come for the last time. It sounds as though Imeant to threaten you; but you won't take it in that way. I think you will know what I mean. I have come for the last time--to ask you to be my wife.' She got up to greet him when he entered, and they were both still standing. She did not answer him at once, but turning away from him walked towards the window. 'You knew why I was coming today, Lily?'
'Mrs Arabin told me. I could not be away when you were coming, but perhaps it would have been better.'
'It is so? Must it be so? Must you say that to me, Lily? Think of it for a moment, dear.'
'I have thought about it.'
'One word from you, yes or no, spoken is to be everything to me for always. Lily, cannot you say yes?' She did not answer him, but walked further away from him to another window. 'Try to say yes. Look round at me with one look that may only half mean it; that may tell me that it shall not positively be no for ever.' I think that she almost tried to turn her face to him; but be that as it may, she kept her eyes steadily fixed upon the window-pane. 'Lily,' he said, 'it is not that you are hard-hearted--perhaps not altogether that you do not like me. I think that you believe things against me that are not true.' As she said this she moved her foot angrily upon the carpet. She had almost forgotten MD, but now he had reminded her of the note. She assured herself that she had never believed anything against him except on evidence that was incontrovertible. But she was not going to speak to him on such a matter as that! It would not become her to accuse him. 'Mrs Arabin tells me that you doubt whether I am earnest,' he said.
Upon hearing this she flashed round upon him almost angrily. 'I never said that.'
'If you will ask me for any token of earnestness, I will give it to you.'
'I want no token.'
'The best sign of earnestness a man can give generally in such a matter, is to show how ready he is to be married.'
'I never said anything about earnestness.'
'At the risk of ****** you angry I will go on, Lily. Of course when you tell me that you will have nothing to say to me, I try to amuse myself'--'Yes; by writing love-letters to M D,' Lily said to herself--'What is a poor fellow to do? I tell you fairly that when Ileave you I swear to myself that I make love to the first girl I can see who will listen to me--to twenty, if twenty will let me. I feel I have failed, and it is so I punish myself for my failure.' There was something in this which softened her brow, though she did not intend that it should be so; and she turned away again, that he might not see that her brow was softened. 'But, Lily, the hope ever comes back again, and then neither the one nor the twenty are of avail--even to punish me.