I was vexed at my own stupidity, and at being unable to justify to Madam de Broglie what she had done in my favor.After dinner I thought of my ordinary resource.I had in my pocket an espistle in verse, written to Parisot during my residence at Lyons.This fragment was not without some fire, which I increased by my manner of reading, and made them all three shed tears.Whether it was vanity, or really the truth, I thought the eyes of Madam de Broglie seemed to say to her mother:
"Well, mamma, was I wrong in telling you this man was fitter to dine with us than with your women?" Until then my heart had been rather burdened, but after this revenge I felt myself satisfied.Madam de Broglie, carrying her favorable opinion of me rather too far, thought I should immediately acquire fame in Paris, and become a favorite with fine ladies.To guide my inexperience she gave me the of which you will stand in need in the great world.You will do well by sometimes consulting it." I kept the book upwards of twenty years with a sentiment of gratitude to her from whose hand I had received it, although I frequently laughed at the opinion the lady seemed to have of my merit in gallantry.From the moment I had read the work, I was desirous of acquiring the friendship of the author.My inclination led me right; he is the only real friend I ever possessed amongst men of letters.** I have so long been of the same opinion, and so perfectly convinced of its being well founded, that since my return to Paris Iconfided to him the manuscript of my confessions.The suspicious J.J.
never suspected perfidy and falsehood until he had been their victim.
From this time I thought I might depend on the services of Madam the Baroness of Beuzenval, and the Marchioness of Broglie, and that they would not long leave me without resource.In this I was not deceived.But I must now speak of my first visit to Madam Dupin, which produced more lasting consequences.
Madam Dupin was, as every one in Paris knows, the daughter of Samuel Bernard and Madam Fontaine.There were three sisters, who might be called the three graces.Madam de la Touche who played a little prank, and went to England with the Duke of Kingston.Madam d'Arty, the eldest of the three; the friend, the only sincere friend of the Prince of Conti, an adorable woman, as well by her sweetness and the goodness of her charming character, as by her agreeable wit and incessant cheerfulness.Lastly, Madam Dupin, more beautiful than either of her sisters, and the only one who has not been reproached with some levity of conduct.
She was the reward of the hospitality of Madam Dupin, to whom her mother gave her in marriage with the place of farmer-general and an immense fortune, in return for the good reception he had given her in his province.When I saw her for the first time, she was still one of the finest women in Paris.She received me at her toilette, her arms were uncovered, her hair disheveled, and her combing-cloth ill-arranged.This scene was new to me; it was too powerful for my poor head, I became confused, my senses wandered; in short, I was violently smitten by Madam Dupin.
My confusion was not prejudicial to me; she did not perceive it.She kindly received the book and the author; spoke with information of my plan, sung, accompanied herself on the harpsichord, kept me to dinner, and placed me at table by her side.Less than this would have turned my brain; I became mad.She permitted me to visit her, and I abused the permission.I went to see her almost every day, and dined with her twice or thrice a week.I burned with inclination to speak, but never dared attempt it.Several circumstances increased my natural timidity.Permission to visit in an opulent family was a door open to fortune, and in my situation I was unwilling to run the risk of shutting it against myself.Madam Dupin, amiable as she was, was serious and unanimated; I found nothing in her manners sufficiently alluring to embolden me.Her house, at that time, as brilliant as any other in Paris, was frequented by societies the less numerous, as the persons by whom they were composed were chosen on account of some distinguished merit.She was fond of seeing every one who had claims to a marked superiority; the great men of letters, and fine women.No person was seen in her circle but dukes, ambassadors, and blue ribbons.The Princess of Rohan, the Countess of Forcalquier, Madam de Mirepoix, Madam de Brignole, and Lady Hervey, passed for her intimate friends.The Abbe's de Fontenelle, de Saint-Pierre, and Sallier, M.de Fourmont, M.de Bernis, M.de Buffon, and M.de Voltaire, were of her circle and her dinners.If her reserved manner did not attract many young people, her society inspired the greater awe, as it was composed of graver persons, and the poor Jean-Jacques had no reason to flatter himself he should be able to take a distinguished part in the midst of such superior talents.Itherefore had not courage to speak; but no longer able to contain myself, I took a resolution to write.For the first two days she said not a word to me upon the subject.On the third day, she returned me my letter, accompanying it with a few exhortations which froze my blood.I attempted to speak, but my words expired upon my lips; my sudden passion was extinguished with my hopes, and after a declaration in form I continued to live with her upon the same terms as before, without so much as speaking to her even by the language of the eyes.