de Lalive de Bellegarde, a farmer general.She understood music, and a passion for the art produced between these three persons the greatest intimacy.Madam Francueil introduced me to Madam D'Epinay, and we sometimes supped together at her house.She was amiable, had wit and talent, and was certainly a desirable acquaintance; but she had a female friend, a Mademoiselle d'Ette, who was said to have much malignancy in her disposition; she lived with the Chevalier de Valory, whose temper was far from being one of the best.I am of opinion, an acquaintance with these two persons was prejudicial to Madam D'Epinay, to whom, with a disposition which required the greatest attention from those about her, nature had given very excellent qualities to regulate or counterbalance her extravagant pretensions.M.de Francueil inspired her with a part of the friendship he had conceived for me, and told me of the connection between them, of which, for that reason, I would not now speak, were it not become so public as not to be concealed from M.D'Epinay himself.
M.de Francueil confided to me secrets of a very singular nature relative to this lady, of which she herself never spoke to me, nor so much as suspected my having a knowledge; for I never opened my lips to her upon the subject, nor will I ever do it to any person.The confidence all parties had in my prudence rendered my situation very embarrassing, especially with Madam de Francueil, whose knowledge of me was sufficient to remove from her all suspicion on my account, although I was connected with her rival.I did everything I could to console this poor woman, whose husband certainly did not return the affection she had for him.I listened to these three persons separately; I kept all their secrets so faithfully that not one of the three ever drew from me those of the two others, and this, without concealing from either of the women my attachment to each of them.
Madam de Francueil, who frequently wished to make me an agent, received refusals in form, and Madam D'Epinay, once desiring me to charge myself with a letter to M.de Francueil received the same mortification, accompanied by a very express declaration, that if ever she wished to drive me forever from the house, she had only a second time to make me a like proposition.
In justice to Madam D'Epinay, I must say, that far from being offended with me she spoke of my conduct to M.de Francueil in terms of the highest approbation, and continued to receive me as well, and as politely as ever.It was thus, amidst the heart-burnings of three persons to whom I was obliged to behave with the greatest circumspection, on whom I in some measure depended, and for whom I had conceived an attachment, that by conducting myself with mildness and complaisance, although accompanied with the greatest firmness, Ipreserved unto the last not only their friendship, but their esteem and confidence.Notwithstanding my absurdities and awkwardness, Madam D'Epinay would have me make one of the party to the Chevrette, a country-house, near Saint Denis, belonging to M.de Bellegarde.
There was a theater, in which performances were not unfrequent.Ihad a part given me, which I studied for six months without intermission, and in which, on the evening of the representation, Iwas obliged to be prompted from the beginning to the end.After this experiment no second proposal of the kind was ever made to me.
My acquaintance with M.D'Epinay procured me that of her sister-in-law, Mademoiselle de Bellegarde, who soon afterwards became Countess of Houdetot.The first time I saw her she was upon the point of marriage; when she conversed with me a long time, with that charming familiarity which was natural to her.I thought her very amiable, but I was far from perceiving that this young person would lead me, although innocently, into the abyss in which I still remain.