I now learned from Venture that he had spoken of me to the Judge Major, and would take me next day to dine with him; that he was a man who by means of his friends might render me essential service.
In other respects he was a desirable acquaintance, being a man of wit and letters, of agreeable conversation, one who possessed talents and loved them in others.After this discourse (mingling the most serious concerns with the most trifling frivolity) he showed me a pretty couplet, which came from Paris, on an air in one of Mouret's operas, which was then playing.Monsieur Simon (the judge major) was so pleased with this couplet, that he determined to make another in answer to it, on the same air.He had desired Venture to write one, and he wished me to make a third, that, as he expressed it, they might see couplets start up next day like incidents in a comic romance.
In the night (not being able to sleep) I composed a couplet, as my first essay in poetry.It was passable; better, or at least composed with more taste, than it would have been the preceding night, the subject being tenderness, to which my heart was now entirely disposed.
In the morning I showed my performance to Venture, who, being pleased with the couplet, put it in his pocket, without informing me whether he had made his.We dined with M.Simon, who treated us very politely.The conversation was agreeable; indeed it could not be otherwise between two men of natural good sense, improved by reading.For me, I acted my proper part, which was to listen without attempting to join in the conversation.Neither of them mentioned the couplet, nor do I know that it ever passed for mine.
M.Simon appeared satisfied with my behavior; indeed, it was almost all he saw of me in this interview.We had often met at Madam de Warrens', but he had never paid much attention to me; it is from this dinner, therefore, that I date our acquaintance, which, though of no use in regard to the object I then had in view, was afterwards productive of advantages which make me recollect it with pleasure.
I should be wrong not to give some account of his person, since from his office of magistrate, and the reputation of wit on which he piqued himself, no idea could be formed of it.The judge major, Simon, certainly was not two feet high; his legs spare, straight, and tolerably long, would have added something to his stature had they been vertical, but they stood in the direction of an open pair of compasses.His body was not only short, but thin, being in every respect of most inconceivable smallness- when naked he must have appeared like a grasshopper.His head was of the common size, to which appertained a well-formed face, a noble look, and tolerably fine eyes;in short, it appeared a borrowed head, stuck on a miserable stump.
He might very well have dispensed with dress, for his large wig alone covered him from head to foot.
He had two voices, perfectly different, which intermingled perpetually in his conversation, forming at first a diverting, but afterwards a very disagreeable contrast.One grave and sonorous, was, if I may hazard the expression, the voice of his head: the other, clear, sharp, and piercing, the voice of his body.When he paid particular attention, and spoke leisurely, so as to preserve his breath, he could continue his deep tone; but if he was the least animated, or attempted a lively accent, his voice sounded like the whistling of a key, and it was with the utmost difficulty that he could return to the bass.
With the figure I have just described, and which is by no means overcharged, M.Simon was gallant, ever entertaining the ladies with soft tales, and carrying the decoration of his person even to foppery.
Willing to make use of every advantage he, during the morning, gave audience in bed, for when a handsome head was discovered on the pillow no one could have imagined what belonged to it.This circumstance gave birth to scenes, which I am certain are yet remembered by all Annecy.
One morning, when he expected to give audience in bed, or rather on the bed, having on a handsome night-cap ornamented with rose-colored ribbon, a countryman arriving knocked at the door; the maid happened to be out; the judge, therefore, hearing the knock repeated, cried "Come in," and, as he spoke rather loud, it was in his shrill tone.The man entered, looked about, endeavoring to discover whence the female voice proceeded, and at length seeing a handsome head-dress set off with ribbons, was about to leave the room, ****** the supposed lady a hundred apologies.M.Simon, in a rage, screamed the more; and the countryman, yet more confirmed in his opinion, conceiving himself to be insulted, began railing in his turn, saying that, "Apparently, she was nothing better than a common street-walker, and that the judge major should be ashamed of setting such ill examples." The enraged magistrate, having no other weapon than the jorden under his bed, was just going to throw it at the poor fellow's head as his servant returned.