Accustomed to this manner of life for some time, I became so entirely attached to music that I could think of nothing else.Iwent to my business with disgust, the necessary confinement and assiduity appeared an insupportable punishment, which I at length wished to relinquish, that I might give myself up without reserve to my favorite amusement.It will be readily believed that this folly met with some opposition, to give up a creditable employment and fixed salary to run after uncertain scholars was too giddy a plan to be approved of by Madam de Warrens, and even supposing my future success should prove as great as I flattered myself, it was fixing very humble limits to my ambition to think of reducing myself for life to the condition of a music-master.She, who formed for me the brightest projects, and no longer trusted implicitly to the judgment of M.d'Aubonne, seeing with concern that I was so seriously occupied by a talent which she thought frivolous, frequently repeated to me that provincial proverb, which does not hold quite so good in Paris, Qui bien chante et bien danse, fait un metier qui peu avance.* On the other hand, she saw me hurried away by this irresistible passion, my taste for music having become a furor, and it was much to be feared that my employment, suffering by my distraction, might draw on me a discharge, which would be worse than a voluntary resignation.I represented to her, that this employment could not last long, that it was necessary I should have some permanent means of subsistence, and that it would be much better to complete by practice the acquisition of that art to which my inclination led me than to make fresh essays, which possibly might not succeed, since by this means, having passed the age most proper for improvement, Imight be left without a single resource for gaining a livelihood: in short, I extorted her consent more by importunity and caresses than by any satisfactory reasons.Proud of my success, I immediately ran to thank M.Coccelli, Director-General of the Survey, as though I had performed the most heroic action, and quitted my employment without cause, reason, or pretext, with as much pleasure as I had accepted it two years before.
* He who can sweetly sing and featly dance, His interests right little shall advance.
This step, ridiculous as it may appear, procured me a kind of consideration, which I found extremely useful.Some supposed I had resources which I did not possess; others, seeing me totally given up to music, judged of my abilities by the sacrifice I had made, and concluded that with such a passion for the art, I must possess it in a superior degree.In a nation of blind men, those with one eye are kings.I passed here for an excellent master, because all the rest were very bad ones.Possessing taste in singing, and being favored by my age and figure, I soon procured more scholars than were sufficient to compensate for the loss of my secretary's pay.
It is certain, that had it been reasonable to consider the pleasure of my situation only, it was impossible to pass more speedily from one extreme to the other.At our measuring, I was confined eight hours in the day to the most unentertaining employment, with yet more disagreeable company.Shut up in a melancholy counting-house, empoisoned by the smell and respiration of a number of clowns, the major part of whom were ill-combed and very dirty, what with attention, bad air, constraint, and weariness, I was sometimes so far overcome as to occasion a vertigo.Instead of this, behold me admitted into the fashionable world, sought after in the first houses, and everywhere received with an air of satisfaction; amiable and gay young ladies awaiting my arrival, and welcoming me with pleasure; Isee nothing but charming objects, smell nothing but roses and orange flowers; singing, chatting, laughter, and amusements, perpetually succeed each other.It must be allowed, that reckoning all these advantages, no hesitation was necessary in the choice; in fact, Iwas so content with mine, that I never once repented it; nor do I even now, when, free from the irrational motives that influenced me at that time, I weigh in the scale of reason every action of my life.