I swear it and, if I keep my promise, let judges and spectators give me the victory unanimously.
PITHETAERUS
It is a bargain.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And if I break my word, may I succeed by one vote only.
EPOPS (as HERALD)
Hearken, ye people! Hoplites, pick up your weapons and return to your firesides; do not fail to read the decrees of dismissal we have posted.
CHORUS (singing)
Man is a truly cunning creature, but nevertheless explain.Perhaps you are going to show me some good way to extend my power, some way that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have discovered.
Speak! 'tis to your own interest as well as to mine, for if you secure me some advantage, I will surely share it with you.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But what object can have induced you to come among us? Speak boldly, for I shall not break the truce,-until you have told us all.
PITHETAERUS
I am bursting with desire to speak; I have already mixed the dough of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it....Slave! bring the chaplet and water, which you must pour over my hands.Be quick!
EUELPIDES
Is it a question of feasting? What does it all mean?
PITHETAERUS
By Zeus, no! but I am hunting for fine, tasty words to break down the hardness of their hearts.(To the CHORUS) I grieve so much for you, who at one time were kings...
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We kings? Over whom?
PITHETAERUS
...of all that exists, firstly of me and of this man, even of Zeus himself.Your race is older than Saturn, the Titans and the Earth.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
What, older than the Earth!
PITHETAERUS
By Phoebus, yes.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
By Zeus, but I never knew that before!
PITHETAERUS
That's because you are ignorant and heedless, and have never read your Aesop.He is the one who tells us that the lark was born before all other creatures, indeed before the Earth; his father died of sickness, but the Earth did not exist then; he remained unburied for five days, when the bird in its dilemma decided, for want of a better place, to entomb its father in its own head.
EUELPIDES
So that the lark's father is buried at Cephalae.
PITHETAERUS
Hence, if they existed before the Earth, before the gods, the kingship belongs to them by right of priority.
EUELPIDES
Undoubtedly, but sharpen your beak well; Zeus won't be in a hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker.
PITHETAERUS
It was not the gods, but the birds, who were formerly the masters and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs.First of all, I will point you to the cock, who governed the Persians before all other monarchs, before Darius and Megabazus.It's in memory of his reign that he is called the Persian bird.
EUELPIDES
For this reason also, even to-day, he alone of all the birds wears his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.
PITHETAERUS
He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on account of his ancient power, everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever he crows at daybreak.Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers, bathmen, corndealers, lyre-makers and armourers, all put on their shoes and go to work before it is daylight.
EUELPIDES
I can tell you something about that.It was the cock's fault that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool.I was at a feast in town, given to celebrate the birth of a child; I had drunk pretty freely and had just fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater hurry than the rest, began to crow.I thought it was dawn and set out for Halimus.I had hardly got beyond the walls, when a footpad struck me in the back with his bludgeon; down I went and wanted to shout, but he had already made off with my mantle.
PITHETAERUS
Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
The Greeks?
PITHETAERUS
And when he was king, he was the one who first taught them to fall on their knees before the kites.
EUELPIDES
By Zeus! that's what I did myself one day on seeing a kite; but at the moment I was on my knees, and leaning backwards with mouth agape, I bolted an obolus and was forced to carry my meal-sack home empty.
PITHETAERUS
The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia.When he called out "cuckoo," all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields to reap their wheat and their barley.
EUELPIDES
Hence no doubt the proverb, "Cuckoo! cuckoo! go to the fields, ye circumcised."PITHETAERUS
So powerful were the birds that the kings of Grecian cities, Agamemnon, Menelaus, for instance, carried a bird on the tip of their sceptres, who had his share of all presents.
EUELPIDES
That I didn't know and was much astonished when I saw Priam come upon the stage in the tragedies with a bird, which kept watching Lysicrates to see if he got any present.
PITHETAERUS
But the strongest proof of all is that Zeus, who now reigns, is represented as standing with an eagle on his head as a symbol of his royalty; his daughter has an owl, and Phoebus, as his servant, has a hawk.
EUELPIDES
By Demeter, the point is well taken.But what are all these birds doing in heaven?
PITHETAERUS
When anyone sacrifices and, according to the rite, offers the entrails to the gods, these birds take their share before Zeus.
Formerly men always swore by the birds and never by the gods.
EUELPIDES
And even now Lampon swears by the goose whenever he wishes to deceive someone.
PITHETAERUS
Thus it is clear that you were once great and sacred, but now you are looked upon as slaves, as fools, as Maneses; stones are thrown at you as at raving madmen, even in holy places.A crowd of bird-catchers sets snares, traps, limed twigs and nets of all sorts for you; you are caught, you are sold in heaps and the buyers finger you over to be certain you are fat.Again, if they would but serve you up simply roasted; but they rasp cheese into a mixture of oil, vinegar and laserwort, to which another sweet and greasy sauce is added, and the whole is poured scalding hot over your back, for all the world as if you were diseased meat.
CHORUS (singing)