WEDNESDAY,June 26,1754.--On this day the most melancholy sun I had ever beheld arose,and found me awake at my house at Fordhook.By the light of this sun I was,in my own opinion,last to behold and take leave of some of those creatures on whom I doted with a mother-like fondness,guided by nature and passion,and uncured and unhardened by all the doctrine of that philosophical school where I had learned to bear pains and to despise death.In this situation,as I could not conquer Nature,I submitted entirely to her,and she made as great a fool of me as she had ever done of any woman whatsoever;under pretense of giving me leave to enjoy,she drew me in to suffer,the company of my little ones during eight hours;and I doubt not whether,in that time,I did not undergo more than in all my distemper.
At twelve precisely my coach was at the door,which was no sooner told me than I kissed my children round,and went into it with some little resolution.My wife,who behaved more like a heroine and philosopher,though at the same time the tenderest mother in the world,and my eldest daughter,followed me;some friends went with us,and others here took their leave;and I heard my behavior applauded,with many murmurs and praises to which I well knew I had no title;as all other such philosophers may,if they have any modesty,confess on the like occasions.
In two hours we arrived in Rotherhithe,and immediately went on board,and were to have sailed the next morning;but,as this was the king's proclamation-day,and consequently a holiday at the custom-house,the captain could not clear his vessel till the Thursday;for these holidays are as strictly observed as those in the popish calendar,and are almost as numerous.I might add that both are opposite to the genius of trade,and consequently contra bonum publicum.
To go on board the ship it was necessary first to go into a boat;a matter of no small difficulty,as I had no use of my limbs,and was to be carried by men who,though sufficiently strong for their burden,were,like Archimedes,puzzled to find a steady footing.Of this,as few of my readers have not gone into wherries on the Thames,they will easily be able to form to themselves an idea.However,by the assistance of my friend,Mr.
Welch,whom I never think or speak of but with love and esteem,I conquered this difficulty,as I did afterwards that of ascending the ship,into which I was hoisted with more ease by a chair lifted with pulleys.I was soon seated in a great chair in the cabin,to refresh myself after a fatigue which had been more intolerable,in a quarter of a mile's passage from my coach to the ship,than I had before undergone in a land-journey of twelve miles,which I had traveled with the utmost expedition.
This latter fatigue was,perhaps,somewhat heightened by an indignation which I could not prevent arising in my mind.I think,upon my entrance into the boat,I presented a spectacle of the highest horror.The total loss of limbs was apparent to all who saw me,and my face contained marks of a most diseased state,if not of death itself.Indeed,so ghastly was my countenance,that timorous women with child had abstained from my house,for fear of the ill consequences of looking at me.In this condition I ran the gauntlope (so I think I may justly call it)through rows of sailors and watermen,few of whom failed of paying their compliments to me by all manner of insults and jests on my misery.No man who knew me will think I conceived any personal resentment at this behavior;but it was a lively picture of that cruelty and inhumanity in the nature of men which I have often contemplated with concern,and which leads the mind into a train of very uncomfortable and melancholy thoughts.It may be said that this barbarous custom is peculiar to the English,and of them only to the lowest degree;that it is an excrescence of an uncontrolled licentiousness mistaken for liberty,and never shows itself in men who are polished and refined in such manner as human nature requires to produce that perfection of which it is susceptible,and to purge away that malevolence of disposition of which,at our birth,we partake in common with the savage creation.This may be said,and this is all that can be said;and it is,I am afraid,but little satisfactory to account for the inhumanity of those who,while they boast of being made after God's own image,seem to bear in their minds a resemblance of the vilest species of brutes;or rather,indeed,of our idea of devils;for I don't know that any brutes can be taxed with such malevolence.A sirloin of beef was now placed on the table,for which,though little better than carrion,as much was charged by the master of the little paltry ale-house who dressed it as would have been demanded for all the elegance of the King's Arms,or any other polite tavern or eating-house!for,indeed,the difference between the best house and the worst is,that at the former you pay largely for luxury,at the latter for nothing.
Thursday,June 27.--This morning the captain,who lay on shore at his own house,paid us a visit in the cabin,and behaved like an angry bashaw,declaring that,had he known we were not to be pleased,he would not have carried us for five hundred pounds.