Other methods may,we doubt not,he suggested by those who shall attentively consider the evil here hinted at;but we have dwelt too long on it already,and shall conclude with observing that it is difficult to affirm whether the atrocity of the evil itself,the facility of curing it,or the shameful neglect of the cure,be the more scandalous or more astonishing.
After having,however,gloriously regaled myself with this food,I was washing it down with some good claret with my wife and her friend,in the cabin,when the captain's valet-de-chambre,head cook,house and ship steward,footman in livery and out on't,secretary and fore-mast man,all burst into the cabin at once,being,indeed,all but one person,and,without saying,by your leave,began to pack half a hogshead of small beer in bottles,the necessary consequence of which must have been either a total stop to conversation at that cheerful season when it is most agreeable,or the admitting that polyonymous officer aforesaid to the participation of it.I desired him therefore to delay his purpose a little longer,but he refused to grant my request;nor was he prevailed on to quit the room till he was threatened with having one bottle to pack more than his number,which then happened to stand empty within my reach.With these menaces he retired at last,but not without muttering some menaces on his side,and which,to our great terror,he failed not to put into immediate execution.
Our captain was gone to dinner this day with his Swiss brother;and,though he was a very sober man,was a little elevated with some champagne,which,as it cost the Swiss little or nothing,he dispensed at his table more liberally than our hospitable English noblemen put about those bottles,which the ingenious Peter Taylor teaches a led captain to avoid by distinguishing by the name of that generous liquor,which all humble companions are taught to postpone to the flavor of methuen,or honest port.
While our two captains were thus regaling themselves,and celebrating their own heroic exploits with all the inspiration which the liquor,at least,of wit could afford them,the polyonymous officer arrived,and,being saluted by the name of Honest Tom,was ordered to sit down and take his glass before he delivered his message;for every sailor is by turns his captain's mate over a cann,except only that captain bashaw who presides in a man-of-war,and who upon earth has no other mate,unless it be another of the same bashaws.Tom had no sooner swallowed his draught than he hastily began his narrative,and faithfully related what had happened on board our ship;we say faithfully,though from what happened it may be suspected that Tom chose to add perhaps only five or six immaterial circumstances,as is always I believe the case,and may possibly have been done by me in relating this very story,though it happened not many hours ago.
No sooner was the captain informed of the interruption which had been given to his officer,and indeed to his orders,for he thought no time so convenient as that of his absence for causing any confusion in the cabin,than he leaped with such haste from his chair that he had like to have broke his sword,with which he always begirt himself when he walked out of his ship,and sometimes when he walked about in it;at the same time,grasping eagerly that other implement called a cockade,which modern soldiers wear on their helmets with the same view as the ancients did their crests--to terrify the enemy he muttered something,but so inarticulately that the word DAMN was only intelligible;he then hastily took leave of the Swiss captain,who was too well bred to press his stay on such an occasion,and leaped first from the ship to his boat,and then from his boat to his own ship,with as much fierceness in his looks as he had ever expressed on boarding his defenseless prey in the honorable calling of a privateer.Having regained the middle deck,he paused a moment while Tom and others loaded themselves with bottles,and then descending into the cabin exclaimed with a thundering voice,"D--n me,why arn't the bottles stowed in,according to my orders?"I answered him very mildly that I had prevented his man from doing it,as it was at an inconvenient time to me,and as in his absence,at least,I esteemed the cabin to be my own."Your cabin!"repeated he many times;"no,d--n me!'tis my cabin.
Your cabin!d--n me!I have brought my hogs to a fair market.I suppose indeed you think it your cabin,and your ship,by your commanding in it;but I will command in it,d--n me!I will show the world I am the commander,and nobody but I!Did you think I sold you the command of my ship for that pitiful thirty pounds?I wish I had not seen you nor your thirty pounds aboard of her."He then repeated the words thirty pounds often,with great disdain,and with a contempt which I own the sum did not seem to deserve in my eye,either in itself or on the present occasion;being,indeed,paid for the freight of --weight of human flesh,which is above fifty per cent dearer than the freight of any other luggage,whilst in reality it takes up less room;in fact,no room at all.