Be a Leader：How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment“At one of our production meetings，a vice president was asking very pointed questions of one of our production supervisors regarding a production process.His tone of voice was aggressive and aimed at pointing out faulty performance on the part of the supervisor.Not wanting to be embarrassed in front of his peers，the supervisor was evasive in his responses.This caused the vice president to lose his temper，berate the supervisor and accuse him of lying.
“Any working relationship that might have existed prior to this encounter was destroyed in a few brief moments.This supervisor，who was basically a good worker，was useless to our company from that time on.A few months later he left our firm and went to work for a competitor，where I understand he is doing a fine job.”Another class member，Anna Mazzone，related how a similar incident had occurred at her job—but what a difference in approach and results！Ms.Mazzone，a marketing specialist for a food packer，was given her first major assignment—the test-marketing of a new product.She told the class：“When the results of the test came in，I was devastated.I had made a serious error in my planning，and the entire test had to be done all over again.To make this worse，I had no time to discuss it with my boss beforethe meeting in which I was to make my report on the project.“When I was called on to give the report，I was shaking withfright.I had all I could do to keep from breaking down，but I resolved I would not cry and have all those men make remarks about women not being able to handle a management job because they are too emotional.I made my report briefly and stated that due to an error I would repeat the study before the next meeting.I sat down，expecting my boss to blow up.
“Instead，he thanked me for my work and remarked that it was not unusual for a person to make an error on a new project andthat he had confidence that the repeat survey would be accurate and meaningful to the company.He assured me，in front of all my colleagues，that he had faith in me and I knew I had done my best，and that my lack of experience，not my lack of ability，was the reason for the failure.
“I left that meeting with my head in the air and with the determination that I would never let that boss of mine down again.”
Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong，we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
A real leader will always follow ...
PRINCIPLE 5：
Let the other person save face.
Chapter 27
How to Spur People on to Success
Pete Barlow was an old friend of mine.He had a dog-and-pony act and spent his life traveling with circuses and vaudeville shows.I loved to watch Pete train new dogs for his act.I noticed that the moment a dog showed the slightest improvement，Pete patted and praised him and gave him meat and made a great to-do about it.
That’s nothing new.Animal trainers have been using that same technique for centuries.
Why，I wonder，don’t we use the same common sense when trying to change people that we use when trying to change dogs？Why don’t we use meat instead of a whip？Why don’t we use praise instead of condemnation？Let us praise even the slightest improvement.That inspires the other person to keep on improving.
In his book I Ain’t Much，Baby—But I’m All I Got，the psychologist Jess Lair comments：“Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit；we cannot flower and grow without it.And yet，while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism，we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.”
I can look back at my own life and see where a few words of praise have sharply changed my entire future.Can’t you say the same thing about your life？History is replete with striking illustrations of the sheer witchery praise.
For example，many years ago a boy of ten was working in afactory in Naples，He longed to be a singer，but his first teacherdiscouraged him.“You can’t sing，”he said.“You haven’t any voice at all.It sounds like the wind in the shutters.”
But his mother，a poor peasant woman，put her arms about him and praised him and told him she knew he could sing，she could already see an improvement，and she went barefoot in order to save money to pay for his music lessons.That peasant mother’s praise and encouragement changed that boy’s life.His name was Enrico Caruso，and he became the greatest and most famous opera singer of his age.
In the early nineteenth century，a young man in London aspired to be a writer.But everything seemed to be against him.He had never been able to attend school more than four years.His father had been flung in jail because he couldn’t pay his debts，and this young man often knew the pangs of hunger.Finally，he got a job pasting labels on bottles of blacking in a rat-infested warehouse，and he slept at night in a dismal attic room with two other boys—guttersnipes from the slums of London.He had so little confidence in his ability to write that he sneaked out and mailed his first manuscript in the dead of night so nobody would laugh at him.Story after story was refused.Finally the great day came when one was accepted.True，he wasn’t paid a shilling for it，but one editor had praised him.One editor had given him recognition.He was so thrilled that he wandered aimlessly around the streets with tears rolling down his cheeks.
The praise，the recognition，that he received through getting one story in print，changed his whole life，for if it hadn’t been for that encouragement，he might have spent his entire life working in rat-infested factories.You may have heard of that boy.His name was Charles Dickens.
Mr.Ringelspaugh determined to use some of the principles he was learning in our course to solve this situation.He reported：