Thus Cicero returned sixteen months after his exile, and the cities were so glad, and the people so zealous to meet him, that his boast, that Italy had brought him on her shoulders home to Rome, was rather less than the truth. And Crassus himself, who had been his enemy before his exile, went voluntarily to meet him, and was reconciled, as he said, to please his son Publius, who was Cicero's affectionate admirer.
Cicero had not been long at Rome, when, taking the opportunity of Clodius's absence, he went, with a great company, to the capitol, and there tore and defaced the tribunician tables, in which were recorded the acts done in the time of Clodius. And on Clodius calling him in question for this, he answered, that he, being of the patrician order, had obtained the office of tribune against the law, and, therefore, nothing done by him was valid. Cato was displeased at this, and opposed Cicero, not that he commended Clodius, but rather disapproved of his whole administration; yet, he contended, that it was an irregular and violent course for the senate to vote the illegality of so many decrees and acts, including those of Cato's own government in Cyprus and at Byzantium. This occasioned a breach between Cato and Cicero, which, though it did not come to open enmity, made a more reserved friendship between them.
After this, Milo killed Clodius, and, being arraigned for the murder, he procured Cicero for his advocate. The senate, fearing lest the questioning of so eminent and high-spirited a citizen as Milo might disturb the peace of the city, committed the superintendence of this and of the other trials to Pompey, who should undertake to maintain the security alike of the city and of the courts of justice. Pompey, therefore, went in the night, and occupying the high grounds about it, surrounded the Forum with soldiers. Milo, fearing lest Cicero, being disturbed by such an unusual sight, should conduct his cause the less successfully, persuaded him to come in a litter into the Forum, and there rest till the judges had taken their seats, and the court was filled.
For Cicero, it seems, not only wanted courage in arms, but, in his speaking also, began with timidity, and in many cases scarcely left off trembling and shaking when he had got thoroughly into the current and the substance of his speech. Once when he had to defend Licinius Murena against the prosecution of Cato, being eager to outdo Hortensius, who had made his plea with great applause, he took so little rest the night before, and was so disordered with thought and over-watching, that he spoke much worse than usual. And so now, on quitting his litter to commence the cause of Milo, at the sight of Pompey, encamped, as it were, with his troops, and seeing arms shining round about the Forum, he was so confounded that he could hardly begin his speech, for the trembling of his body and hesitancy of his tongue; whereas Milo, meantime, was so bold and intrepid in his demeanor, that he disdained either to let his hair grow, or to put on the mourning habit. And this, indeed, seems to have been the principal cause of his condemnation. And Cicero was thought not so much to have shown timidity for himself, as anxiety about his friend.
When the outbreak between Caesar and Pompey came, Cicero wavered painfully between both, for he writes in his epistles, "To which side should I turn? Pompey has the fair and honorable plea for war; and Caesar, on the other hand, has managed his affairs better, and is more able to secure himself and his friends. So that I know whom I should fly from, not whom I should fly to." But when Trebatius, one of Caesar's friends, by letter signified to him that Caesar thought it was his most desirable course to join his side, but if he considered himself too old a man for this, he would do better to retire into Greece, and stay quietly there, out of the way of either party, Cicero, wondering that Caesar had not written himself, replied angrily that he should do nothing unbecoming his past life.
But as soon as Caesar had marched into Spain, he immediately sailed away to join Pompey. And he was welcomed by all but Cato;who, taking him privately aside, chid him for coming to Pompey. As for himself, he said, it would have been indecent to forsake that part in the commonwealth which he had chosen from the beginning;but Cicero might have been more useful to his country and friends, if, remaining neutral, he had attended and used his influence to moderate the result, instead of coming hither to make himself, without reason or necessity, an enemy to Caesar, and a partner in such great dangers. By this language, Cicero's feelings were altered, and partly, also, because Pompey made no great use of him. Although he was himself really the cause of it, by his not denying that he was sorry he had come, by his deprecating Pompey's resources, finding fault underhand with his counsels, and continually indulging in jests and sarcastic remarks on his fellow-soldiers.
After the battle of Pharsalia was over, at which he was not present for want of health, and Pompey had fled, Cato, having considerable forces and a great fleet at Dyrrachium, would have had Cicero commander-in-chief, according to law, and the precedence of his consular dignity. But on his refusing the command, and wholly declining to take part in their plans for continuing the war, he was in the greatest danger of being killed, young Pompey and his friends calling him traitor, and drawing their swords upon him; only that Cato interposed, and with difficulty rescued and brought him out of the camp.