SIR PETER TEAZLE AND LADY TEAZLE
Sir Peter Teazle.When an old bachelor marries a young wife，what is he to expect？’Tis not above six months since my Lady Teazle made me the happiest of men，and I have been the most miserable dog ever since.We tifted a little going to church，and fairly quarreled before the bells were done ringing.In less than a month I was nearly choked with gall，and had lost every satisfaction in life，before my friends had done wishing me joy.I am laughed at by her，and the jest of all my acquaintance.And yet，the worst of it is，I am afraid I love her，or I should never bear all this；but I am determined never to be weak enough to let her know it.But here she comes；apparently in a mighty good humor；I wish I could teaze her into loving me a little.
Lady Teazle.What‘s the matter，Sir Peter？You seem to be out ofhumor.
Sir P.Ah！Lady Teazle，it is in your power to put me in a good humor at any time.
L.Teaz.Is it？I’m glad of it，for I want you to be in a monstrous good humor now.Come，do be good humored and let me have a hundred pounds.
Sir P.What the plague！Can‘t I be in good-humor without payingfor it？But look always thus，and you shall have two hundred pounds.
Be satisfied with that sum now，and you shall not much longer have it in your power to reproach me for not making you a proper settlement.I intend shortly to surprise you.
L.Teaz .Do you？You can’t think，Sir Peter，how good-humor becomes you.Now you look just as you did before I married you.
L.Teaz.Don‘t you remember when you used to walk with me under the elms，and tell me stories of what a gallant you were in your youth，and asked me if I could like an old fellow who could deny me nothing？
Sir P.Ay，and you were so attentive and obliging to me then.
L.Teaz.To be sure I was，and used to take your part against all my acquaintance；and when my cousin Mary used to laugh at me for thinking of marrying a man old enough to be my father，and call you an ugly，stiff，formal old bachelor，I contradicted her，and said，I did not think you so ugly by any means，and that I dared say you would make a good sort of a husband.
Sir.P.That was very kind of you.Well，and you were not mistaken；you have found it so，have not you？But shall we always live thus happy？
L.Teaz .With all my heart.I don’t care how soon we leave offquarreling，provided you will own you are tired first.
Sir P.With all my heart.
L.Teaz.Then we shall be as happy as the day is long，and never，never，never quarrel more.
Sir P.Never，never，never；and let our future contest be，who shall be most obliging.
L.Teaz.Ay！
Sir P.But，my dear Lady Teazle，my love，indeed you must keep a strict watch over your temper；for you know，my dear，that in all our disputes and quarrels，you always begin first.
L.Teaz.No，no，my dear Sir Peter，‘tis always you that begin.
Sir P.No，no，no such thing.
L.Teaz.Have a care；this is not the way to live happy，if you fly out thus.
Sir P.No，no，’tis you.
L.Teaz.No，‘tis you.
Sir P.Zounds，I say ’tis you.
L.Teaz .Law！I never saw such a man in my life；just what mycousin Mary told me.