Today I see my mother not just as my parent, but also as a woman in her own right, with her own lessons to learn―and, fortunately, to share with me, her daughter. So, today, my bills are always paid on time. My family comes before housekeeping, and self-satisfaction before social status. I still spend a small fortune on greeting cards. And I' ve replaced the breath mints with tooth-whitening gum. But I don' t even own guest towels.
在我小的时候,母亲就教育我要微笑示人,以礼待人。她教导我说话声音不要太大,笑声也别太有力,而且还要随身携带保持口气清新的薄荷糖。她说,去邻居家玩时要把头发梳理整齐;在别人家过夜要穿上一件漂亮的睡衣睡觉;去参加科学博览会时,要穿上印有花朵图案的正式服装。这样做,是为了让别人觉得你举止“得体”。母亲还教导我多听少说,但是这一点我总是做不到。
当我还是个孩子时,就从母亲那里学会了有朋友登门拜访时,要在洗手间里为客人准备好配套的擦手毛巾,如果需要花钱款待客人的话,就要提前把公债兑换成现金。我知道了,要避免家庭之间发生争执,你就需要在圣诞节和感恩节的时候,整天都做到谨小慎微;还要邀请姻亲们共进早餐,请家庭成员的亲家们一起吃午餐,请你年轻的伙伴们吃餐后甜点。
在我成长的过程中,母亲变得越发睿智。到我成长为一个成年人时,我知道了,在我小的时候,母亲通常都是尽可能不拒绝别人的请求。
母亲46岁时就成了寡妇,想到她如此年轻就开始守寡,总会让我心痛不已。母亲是位独立的女性,我一直庆幸自己在后来的生活中读懂了这点。她蜕下了生长于20世纪50年代女性的陈腐老套,我目睹了她的这一重大改变。而且现在,我还能欣喜地看到,母亲偶尔也会用冰淇淋来做晚餐。
长大成人的我从母亲身上学会了自己给予自己想要的一切,因为或许这些是你不能从别人那里得到的。我学会笑了又笑,因为在你不笑的时候,生活就是艰辛的。我还懂得,如果你不喜欢自己的姻亲,或其他家庭成员,或者其他任何人,那么就别去伪装,因为生命实在太短暂,你无需花时间巧言令色,也无需在意别人的想法。
我明白,只要你能花一些时间陪孩子坐在厨房的地板上捏彩泥,那么,你不整理床铺,不熨烫衣服,不清洗碗筷都还可以接受。我知道,如果家里只有薯片和冰茶的话,那么给你的客人送上一袋薯片和一±冰茶也是很不错的。
母亲教会长大成人的我,收到支票时,撕下要返回的存根,把它放进信封里,贴上邮票马上寄回。她教我,永远不要在天气潮湿的时候,把一堆潮湿的脏衣物放在洗衣机里过夜,因为如果这样做的话,等到你第二天把这些衣服烘干后,它们闻上去就像是发霉的浴帘。母亲还教我如何做土豆色、番茄沙司烙通心粉、米饭油炸土豆片,如何在商场促销的时候采购物品,以及在任何年龄段都不靠涂脂抹粉或是染头发来让自己变得漂亮。
母亲教我做平静的祈祷,告诉我要倾听内心的呼声。她教导我,尽管她是在一种有组织的宗教信仰中把我养大的,但是如果我不想以同样的方式抚养我的孩子,也是可以的。她教育我,当人们意见不同发生争辩时,那并不意味着他们彼此互不关心。如果即使是那些情感和话语伤害了你,你也漠不关心、缄口不言的话,那么你就有麻烦了。母亲还说,别人对待你的方式是根据你对待他们的方式而产生的。母亲的教导形成了我的生命轮廓。尽管有些做法似乎已经过时,或者在时间流逝和变革中成为荒谬的思想,但是大部分观念是永恒的、通用的。现在,我能够意识到,母亲所有的教导都发自她的心底,都是为了指引和保护我。
如今,在我心里,母亲不仅仅是我的母亲,还是一位有自己思想的独立女性。并且,幸运的是,母亲将她的观念与我——她的女儿一起分享。因此,在今天,我的支票总是可以如期支付,我的家人总是比家务琐事更重要。在我们心里,自我满足感也总比社会地位重要。直到今天,我还是会花一些钱来买贺卡。虽然先前的薄荷糖已被牙齿增白口香糖替代,但是为客人准备擦手毛巾还是没有变的。
他在某一个角落等我
Charlie
佚名 / Anonymous
I didn' t want to write Charlie' s story because I knew I would cry. He' s been gone for a long time, but he' s still close to my heart. After reading some very good stories about other dogs, I decided that Charlie needed to be remembered too.
How do I begin to tell about Charlie? He was all dogs, Charlie, from the tip of his little pug nose to the end of his ever-swinging tail. Beautiful, is how I' d describe him. Though just a stray, he had the carriage of royalty. His long gray silvery coat spotted a white star just under his neck. I could almost imagine that one of his forefathers belonged to a Persian Princess.
Charlie loved us as much as a real dog can love humans, but mostly he tolerated us. My daughter and I wanted to hold him and snuggle. Charlie would tolerate it just so long then he was gone. On the other hand, my husband Charles, clearly had no interest in Charlie, and often made the comment that dogs weren' t good for anything. I often thought that his resentment towards Charlie had something to do with the fact that Charlie was named after him without his consent.
I once heard that dogs will chose only one person in a family with which to bond, and to everyone' s dismay, Charlie choose Charles. Each night Charlie would finish his meal, and then preen himself for nearly an hour before he jumped into my husband' s lap for a long nap. Neither touched the other, they simply tolerated one another.
If my daughter or I tried to pick Charlie up and hold him, he would quickly scamper away and head straight back to where he was least wanted. Charlie was an acrobat too. Many times my husband was almost brought to the point of heart failure when Charlie would silently creep up behind the recliner and Jump over my husband' s head and into his lap. As many times as Charlie did this, my husband was never prepared for the overhead assault.
There was one game that Charlie would play with my daughter and me, but it took a lot of coaxing. We would stand in front of Charlie and wave our nightgrowns back and forth. Charlie' s tail would begin to sway. Then he would position himself for the launch by rocking back and forth. Eventually it ended with us screaming and running through the house and Charlie in hot pursuit.
Charlie had a particular dislike for all females, I think. I had a lady that came once a week to clean for me and Charlie clearly hated her. One morning she arrived before I had finished dressing for work, and had gone upstairs to get the bed linens. Charlie was waiting for her just inside one of the bedroom doorways. The attack was swift and the result was a blood curdling scream that would wake the dead. From that day on, I had to make sure that Charlie was out of the house before the cleaning lady would come inside. Even so, Charlie was not through with her. He knew that she would come outside to put the trash in the garbage can. Charlie was patient. He waited, and he nailed her again. Now she refused to take the trash out.