Emily made another effort to overcome the confusion of her thoughts, and to speak.She feared to trust the preference her heart acknowledged towards Valancourt, and to give him any encouragement for hope, on so short an acquaintance.For though in this narrow period she had observed much that was admirable in his taste and disposition, and though these observations had been sanctioned by the opinion of her father, they were not sufficient testimonies of his general worth to determine her upon a subject so infinitely important to her future happiness as that, which now solicited her attention.
Yet, though the thought of dismissing Valancourt was so very painful to her, that she could scarcely endure to pause upon it, the consciousness of this made her fear the partiality of her judgment, and hesitate still more to encourage that suit, for which her own heart too tenderly pleaded.The family of Valancourt, if not his circumstances, had been known to her father, and known to be unexceptionable.Of his circumstances, Valancourt himself hinted as far as delicacy would permit, when he said he had at present little else to offer but an heart, that adored her.He had solicited only for a distant hope, and she could not resolve to forbid, though she scarcely dared to permit it; at length, she acquired courage to say, that she must think herself honoured by the good opinion of any person, whom her father had esteemed.
'And was I, then, thought worthy of his esteem?' said Valancourt, in a voice trembling with anxiety; then checking himself, he added, 'But pardon the question; I scarcely know what I say.If I might dare to hope, that you think me not unworthy such honour, and might be permitted sometimes to enquire after your health, I should now leave you with comparative tranquillity.'
Emily, after a moment's silence, said, 'I will be ingenuous with you, for I know you will understand, and allow for my situation; you will consider it as a proof of my--my esteem that I am so.Though I live here in what was my father's house, I live here alone.I have, alas!
no longer a parent--a parent, whose presence might sanction your visits.It is unnecessary for me to point out the impropriety of my receiving them.'
'Nor will I affect to be insensible of this,' replied Valancourt, adding mournfully--'but what is to console me for my candour? Idistress you, and would now leave the subject, if I might carry with me a hope of being some time permitted to renew it, of being allowed to make myself known to your family.'
Emily was again confused, and again hesitated what to reply; she felt most acutely the difficulty--the forlornness of her situation, which did not allow her a single relative, or friend, to whom she could turn for even a look, that might support and guide her in the present embarrassing circumstances.Madame Cheron, who was her only relative, and ought to have been this friend, was either occupied by her own amusements, or so resentful of the reluctance her niece had shewn to quit La Vallee, that she seemed totally to have abandoned her.
'Ah! I see,' said Valancourt, after a long pause, during which Emily had begun, and left unfinished two or three sentences, 'I see that Ihave nothing to hope; my fears were too just, you think me unworthy of your esteem.That fatal journey! which I considered as the happiest period of my life--those delightful days were to embitter all my future ones.How often I have looked back to them with hope and fear--yet never till this moment could I prevail with myself to regret their enchanting influence.'
His voice faltered, and he abruptly quitted his seat and walked on the terrace.There was an expression of despair on his countenance, that affected Emily.The pleadings of her heart overcame, in some degree, her extreme timidity, and, when he resumed his seat, she said, in an accent that betrayed her tenderness, 'You do both yourself and me injustice when you say I think you unworthy of my esteem; I will acknowledge that you have long possessed it, and--and--'
Valancourt waited impatiently for the conclusion of the sentence, but the words died on her lips.Her eyes, however, reflected all the emotions of her heart.Valancourt passed, in an instant, from the impatience of despair, to that of joy and tenderness.'O Emily!' he exclaimed, 'my own Emily--teach me to sustain this moment! Let me seal it as the most sacred of my life!'
He pressed her hand to his lips, it was cold and trembling; and, raising her eyes, he saw the paleness of her countenance.Tears came to her relief, and Valancourt watched in anxious silence over her.
In a few moments, she recovered herself, and smiling faintly through her tears, said, 'Can you excuse this weakness? My spirits have not yet, I believe, recovered from the shock they lately received.'
'I cannot excuse myself,' said Valancourt, 'but I will forbear to renew the subject, which may have contributed to agitate them, now that I can leave you with the sweet certainty of possessing your esteem.'
Then, forgetting his resolution, he again spoke of himself.'You know not,' said he, 'the many anxious hours I have passed near you lately, when you believed me, if indeed you honoured me with a thought, far away.I have wandered, near the chateau, in the still hours of the night, when no eye could observe me.It was delightful to know I was so near you, and there was something particularly soothing in the thought, that I watched round your habitation, while you slept.These grounds are not entirely new to me.Once Iventured within the fence, and spent one of the happiest, and yet most melancholy hours of my life in walking under what I believed to be your window.'
Emily enquired how long Valancourt had been in the neighbourhood.