One voice seemed to be telling me, 'Speak,' and the other 'No, don't speak.' And no sooner had the second voice said that than I cried out, and fainted.Of course, there was a fuss.I got up suddenly and said to Rakitin, 'It's painful for me to say it, but I don't wish to see you in my house again.' So I turned him out.Ah! Alexey Fyodorovitch, I know myself I did wrong.I was putting it on.I wasn't angry with him at all, really; but I suddenly fancied- that was what did it- that it would be such a fine scene....And yet, believe me, it was quite natural, for I really shed tears and cried for several days afterwards, and then suddenly, one afternoon, I forgot all about it.So it's a fortnight since he's been here, and I kept wondering whether he would come again.I wondered even yesterday, then suddenly last night came this Gossip.I read it and gasped.Who could have written it? He must have written it.He went home, sat down, wrote it on the spot, sent it, and they put it in.It was a fortnight ago, you see.But, Alyosha, it's awful how I keep talking and don't say what I want to say.the words come of themselves!""It's very important for me to be in time to see my brother to-day," Alyosha faltered.
"To be sure, to be sure! You bring it all back to me.Listen, what is an aberration?""What aberration?" asked Alyosha, wondering.
"In the legal sense.An aberration in which everything is pardonable.Whatever you do, you will be acquitted at once.""What do you mean?"
"I'll tell you.This Katya...Ah! she is a charming, charming creature, only I never can make out who it is she is in love with.She was with me some time ago and I couldn't get anything out of her.
Especially as she won't talk to me except on the surface now.She is always talking about my health and nothing else, and she takes up such a tone with me, too.I simply said to myself, 'Well so be it.Idon't care'...Oh, yes.I was talking of aberration.This doctor has come.You know a doctor has come? Of course, you know it- the one who discovers madmen.You wrote for him.No, it wasn't you, but Katya.
It's all Katya's doing.Well, you see, a man may be sitting perfectly sane and suddenly have an aberration.He may be conscious and know what he is doing and yet be in a state of aberration.And there's no doubt that Dmitri Fyodorovitch was suffering from aberration.They found out about aberration as soon as the law courts were reformed.It's all the good effect of the reformed law courts.The doctor has been here and questioned me about that evening, about the gold mines.'How did he seem then?' he asked me.He must have been in a state of aberration.He came in shouting, 'Money, money, three thousand! Give me three thousand!' and then went away and immediately did the murder.'I don't want to murder him,' he said, and he suddenly went and murdered him.That's why they'll acquit him, because he struggled against it and yet he murdered him.""But he didn't murder him," Alyosha interrupted rather sharply.He felt more and more sick with anxiety and impatience.
"Yes, I know it was that old man Grigory murdered him.""Grigory?" cried Alyosha.
"Yes, yes; it was Grigory.He lay as Dmitri Fyodorovitch struck him down, and then got up, saw the door open, went in and killed Fyodor Pavlovitch.""But why, why?"
"Suffering from aberration.When he recovered from the blow Dmitri Fyodorovitch gave him on the head, he was suffering from aberration:
he went and committed the murder.As for his saying he didn't, he very likely doesn't remember.Only, you know, it'll be better, ever so much better, if Dmitri Fyodorovitch murdered him.And that's how it must have been, though I say it was Grigory.It certainly was Dmitri Fyodorovitch, and that's better, ever so much better! Oh! not better that a son should have killed his father, I don't defend that.
Children ought to honour their parents, and yet it would be better if it were he, as you'd have nothing to cry over then, for he did it when he was unconscious or rather when he was conscious, but did not know what he was doing.Let them acquit him- that's so humane, and would show what a blessing reformed law courts are.I knew nothing about it, but they say they have been so a long time.And when I heard it yesterday, I was so struck by it that I wanted to send for you at once.And if he is acquitted, make him come straight from the law courts to dinner with me, and I'll have a party of friends, and we'll drink to the reformed law courts.I don't believe he'd be dangerous; besides, I'll invite a great many friends, so that he could always be led out if he did anything.And then he might be made a justice of the peace or something in another town, for those who have been in trouble themselves make the best judges.And, besides, who isn't suffering from aberration nowadays?- you, I, all of us, are in a state of aberration, and there are ever so many examples of it: a man sits singing a song, suddenly something annoys him, he takes a pistol and shoots the first person he comes across, and no one blames him for it.I read that lately, and all the doctors confirm it.
The doctors are always confirming; they confirm,- anything.Why, my Lise is in a state of aberration.She made me cry again yesterday, and the day before, too, and to-day I suddenly realised that it's all due to aberration.Oh, Lise grieves me so! I believe she's quite mad.Why did she send for you? Did she send for you or did you come of yourself?""Yes, she sent for me, and I am just going to her." Alyosha got up resolutely.
"Oh, my dear, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, perhaps that's what's most important," Madame Hohlakov cried, suddenly bursting into tears.