Nothing will be left but penal or fiscal laws--your money or your life.The most generous nation on the earth will have ceased to obey the call of noble instincts.Wounds past curing will have been fostered and aggravated,an all pervading jealousy being the first.
Then the upper classes will be submerged;equality of desire will be taken for equality of strength;true distinction,even when proved and recognized,will be threatened by the advancing tide of middle-class prejudice.It was possible to choose one man out of a thousand,but,amongst three millions,discrimination becomes impossible,when all are moved by the same ambitions and attired in the same livery of mediocrity.No foresight will warn this victorious horde of that other terrible horde,soon to be arrayed against them in the peasant proprietors;in other words,twenty million acres of land,alive,stirring,arguing,deaf to reason,insatiable of appetite,obstructing progress,masters in their brute force----""But,"said I,interrupting my father,"what can I do to help the State.I feel no vocation for playing Joan of Arc in the interests of the family,or for finding a martyr's block in the convent.""You are a little hussy,"cried my father."If I speak sensibly to you,you are full of jokes;when I jest,you talk like an ambassadress.""Love lives on contrasts,"was my reply.
And he laughed till the tears stood in his eyes.
"You will reflect on what I have told you;you will do justice to the large and confiding spirit in which I have broached the matter,and possibly events may assist my plans.I know that,so far as you are concerned,they are injurious and unfair,and this is the reason why Iappeal for your sanction of them less to your heart and your imagination than to your reason.I have found more judgment and commonsense in you than in any one I know----""You flatter yourself,"I said,with a smile,"for I am every inch your child!""In short,"he went on,"one must be logical.You can't have the end without the means,and it is our duty to set an example to others.
From all this I deduce that you ought not to have money of your own till your younger brother is provided for,and I want to employ the whole of your inheritance in purchasing an estate for him to go with the title.""But,"I said,"you won't interfere with my living in my own fashion and enjoying life if I leave you my fortune?""Provided,"he replied,"that your view of life does not conflict with the family honor,reputation,and,I may add,glory.""Come,come,"I cried,"what has become of my excellent judgment?""There is not in all France,"he said with bitterness,"a man who would take for wife a daughter of one of our noblest families without a dowry and bestow one on her.If such a husband could be found,it would be among the class of rich /parvenus/;on this point I belong to the eleventh century.""And I also,"I said."But why despair?Are there no aged peers?""You are an apt scholar,Louise!"he exclaimed.
Then he left me,smiling and kissing my hand.
I received your letter this very morning,and it led me to contemplate that abyss into which you say that I may fall.A voice within seemed to utter the same warning.So I took my precautions.Henarez,my dear,dares to look at me,and his eyes are disquieting.They inspire me with what I can only call an unreasoning dread.Such a man ought no more to be looked at than a frog;he is ugly and fascinating.
For two days I have been hesitating whether to tell my father point-blank that I want no more Spanish lessons and have Henarez sent about his business.But in spite of all my brave resolutions,I feel that the horrible sensation which comes over me when I see that man has become necessary to me.I say to myself,"Once more,and then I will speak."His voice,my dear,is sweetly thrilling;his speaking is just like la Fodor's singing.His manners are ******,entirely free from affectation.And what teeth!
Just now,as he was leaving,he seemed to divine the interest I take in him,and made a gesture--oh!most respectfully--as though to take my hand and kiss it;then checked himself,apparently terrified at his own boldness and the chasm he had been on the point of bridging.There was the merest suggestion of all this,but I understood it and smiled,for nothing is more pathetic than to see the frank impulse of an inferior checking itself abashed.The love of a plebeian for a girl of noble birth implies such courage!
My smile emboldened him.The poor fellow looked blindly about for his hat;he seemed determined not to find it,and I handed it to him with perfect gravity.His eyes were wet with unshed tears.It was a mere passing moment,yet a world of facts and ideas were contained in it.
We understood each other so well that,on a sudden,I held out my hand for him to kiss.
Possibly this was equivalent to telling him that love might bridge the interval between us.Well,I cannot tell what moved me to do it.
Griffith had her back turned as I proudly extended my little white paw.I felt the fire of his lips,tempered by two big tears.Oh!my love,I lay in my armchair,nerveless,dreamy.I was happy,and Icannot explain to you how or why.What I felt only a poet could express.My condescension,which fills me with shame now,seemed to me then something to be proud of;he had fascinated me,that is my one excuse.
Friday.
This man is really very handsome.He talks admirably,and has remarkable intellectual power.My dear,he is a very Bossuet in force and persuasiveness when he explains the mechanism,not only of the Spanish tongue,but also of human thought and of all language.His mother tongue seems to be French.When I expressed surprise at this,he replied that he came to France when quite a boy,following the King of Spain to Valencay.