"I repeat it,your happiness is my object.Never allow yourself,then,to forget that the first three months of your married life may work your misery if you do not submit to the yoke with the same forbearance,tenderness,and intelligence that you have shown during the days of courtship.For,my little rogue,you know very well that you have indulged in all the innocent pleasures of a clandestine love affair.If the culmination of your love begins with disappointment,dislike,nay,even with pain,well,come and tell me about it.Don't hope for too much from marriage at first;it will perhaps give you more discomfort than joy.The happiness of your life requires at least as patient cherishing as the early shoots of love.
"To conclude,if by chance you should lose the lover,you will find in his place the father of your children.In this,my dear child,lies the whole secret of social life.Sacrifice everything to the man whose name you bear,the man whose honor and reputation cannot suffer in the least degree without involving you in frightful consequences.Such sacrifice is thus not only an absolute duty for women of our rank,it is also their wisest policy.This,indeed,is the distinctive mark of great moral principles,that they hold good and are expedient from whatever aspect they are viewed.But I need say no more to you on this point.
"I fancy you are of a jealous disposition,and,my dear,if you knew how jealous I am!But you must not be stupid over it.To publish your jealousy to the world is like playing at politics with your cards upon the table,and those who let their own game be seen learn nothing of their opponents'.Whatever happens,we must know how to suffer in silence."She added that she intended having some plain talk about me with Macumer the evening before the wedding.
Raising my mother's beautiful arm,I kissed her hand and dropped on it a tear,which the tone of real feeling in her voice had brought to my eyes.In the advice she had given me,I read high principle worthy of herself and of me,true wisdom,and a tenderness of heart unspoilt by the narrow code of society.Above all,I saw that she understood my character.These few ****** words summed up the lessons which life and experience had brought her,perhaps at a heavy price.She was moved,and said,as she looked at me:
"Dear little girl,you've got a nasty crossing before you.And most women,in their ignorance or their disenchantment,are as wise as the Earl of Westmoreland!"We both laughed;but I must explain the joke.The evening before,a Russian princess had told us an anecdote of this gentleman.He had suffered frightfully from sea-sickness in crossing the Channel,and turned tail when he got near Italy,because he had heard some one speak of "crossing"the Alps."Thank you;I've had quite enough crossings already,"he said.
You will understand,Renee,that your gloomy philosophy and my mother's lecture were calculated to revive the fears which used to disturb us at Blois.The nearer marriage approached,the more did Ineed to summon all my strength,my resolution,and my affection to face this terrible passage from maidenhood to womanhood.All our conversations came back to my mind,I re-read your letters and discerned in them a vague undertone of sadness.
This anxiety had one advantage at least;it helped me to the regulation expression for a bride as commonly depicted.The consequence was that on the day of signing the contract everybody said I looked charming and quite the right thing.This morning,at the Mairie,it was an informal business,and only the witnesses were present.
I am writing this tail to my letter while they are putting out my dress for dinner.We shall be married at midnight at the Church of Sainte-Valere,after a very gay evening.I confess that my fears give me a martyr-like and modest air to which I have no right,but which will be admired--why,I cannot conceive.I am delighted to see that poor Felipe is every whit as timorous as I am;society grates on him,he is like a bat in a glass shop.
"Thank Heaven,the day won't last for ever!"he whispered to me in all innocence.
In his bashfulness and timidity he would have liked to have no one there.
The Sardinian ambassador,when he came to sign the contract,took me aside in order to present me with a pearl necklace,linked together by six splendid diamonds--a gift from my sister-in-law,the Duchess de Soria.Along with the necklace was a sapphire bracelet,on the under side of which were engraved the words,"/Though unknown,beloved/."Two charming letters came with these presents,which,however,I could not accept without consulting Felipe.
"For,"I said,"I should not like to see you wearing ornaments that came from any one but me."He kissed my hand,quite moved,and replied:
"Wear them for the sake of the inion,and also for the kind feeling,which is sincere."Saturday evening.
Here,then,my poor Renee,are the last words of your girl friend.
After the midnight Mass,we set off for an estate which Felipe,with kind thought for me,has bought in Nivernais,on the way to Provence.
Already my name is Louise de Macumer,but I leave Paris in a few hours as Louise de Chaulieu.However I am called,there will never be for you but one Louise.