Yes,Renee,it is quite true;you have been correctly informed.I have sold my house,I have sold Chantepleurs,and the farms in Seine-et-Marne,but no more,please!I am neither mad nor ruined,I assure you.
Let us go into the matter.When everything was wound up,there remained to me of my poor Macumer's fortune about twelve hundred thousand francs.I will account,as to a practical sister,for every penny of this.
I put a million in the Three per Cents when they were at fifty,and so I have got an income for myself of sixty thousand francs,instead of the thirty thousand which the property yielded.Then,only think what my life was.Six months of the year in the country,renewing leases,listening to the grumbles of the farmers,who pay when it pleases them,and getting as bored as a sportsman in wet weather.There was produce to sell,and I always sold it at a loss.Then,in Paris,my house represented a rental of ten thousand francs;I had to invest my money at the notaries;I was kept waiting for the interest,and could only get the money back by prosecuting;in addition I had to study the law of mortgage.In short,there was business in Nivernais,in Seine-et-Marne,in Paris--and what a burden,what a nuisance,what a vexing and losing game for a widow of twenty-seven!
Whereas now my fortune is secured on the Budget.In place of paying taxes to the State,I receive from it,every half-year,in my own person,and free from cost,thirty thousand francs in thirty notes,handed over the counter to me by a dapper little clerk at the Treasury,who smiles when he sees me coming!
Supposing the nation went bankrupt?Well,to begin with:
'Tis not mine to see trouble so far from my door.
At the worst,too,the nation would not dock me of more than half my income,so I should still be as well off as before my investment,and in the meantime I shall be drawing a double income until the catastrophe arrives.A nation doesn't become bankrupt more than once in a century,so I shall have plenty of time to amass a little capital out of my savings.
And finally,is not the Comte de l'Estorade a peer of this July semi-republic?Is he not one of those pillars of royalty offered by the "people"to the King of the French?How can I have qualms with a friend at Court,a great financier,head of the Audit Department?Idefy you to arraign my sanity!I am almost as good at sums as your citizen king.
Do you know what inspires a woman with all this arithmetic?Love,my dear!
Alas!the moment has come for unfolding to you the mysteries of my conduct,the motives of which have baffled even your keen sight,your prying affection,and your subtlety.I am to be married in a country village near Paris.I love and am loved.I love as much as a woman can who knows love well.I am loved as much as a woman ought to be by the man she adores.
Forgive me,Renee,for keeping this a secret from you and from every one.If your friend evades all spies and puts curiosity on a false track,you must admit that my feeling for poor Macumer justified some dissimulation.Besides,de l'Estorade and you would have deafened me with remonstrances,and plagued me to death with your misgivings,to which the facts might have lent some color.You know,if no one else does,to what pitch my jealousy can go,and all this would only have been useless torture to me.I was determined to carry out,on my own responsibility,what you,Renee,will call my insane project,and Iwould take counsel only with my own head and heart,for all the world like a schoolgirl giving the slip to her watchful parents.
The man I love possesses nothing but thirty thousand francs'worth of debts,which I have paid.What a theme for comment here!You would have tried to make Gaston out an adventurer;your husband would have set detectives on the dear boy.I preferred to sift him for myself.He has been wooing me now close on two years.I am twenty-seven,he is twenty-three.The difference,I admit,is huge when it is on the wrong side.Another source of lamentation!
Lastly,he is a poet,and has lived by his trade--that is to say,on next to nothing,as you will readily understand.Being a poet,he has spent more time weaving day-dreams,and basking,lizard-like,in the sun,than scribing in his dingy garret.Now,practical people have a way of tarring with the same brush of inconstancy authors,artists,and in general all men who live by their brains.Their nimble and fertile wit lays them open to the charge of a like agility in matters of the heart.
Spite of the debts,spite of the difference in age,spite of the poetry,an end is to be placed in a few days to a heroic resistance of more than nine months,during which he has not been allowed even to kiss my hand,and so also ends the season of our sweet,pure love-******.This is not the mere surrender of a raw,ignorant,and curious girl,as it was eight years ago;the gift is deliberate,and my lover awaits it with such loyal patience that,if I pleased,I could postpone the marriage for a year.There is no servility in this;love's slave he may be,but the heart is not slavish.Never have Iseen a man of nobler feeling,or one whose tenderness was more rich in fancy,whose love bore more the impress of his soul.Alas!my sweet one,the art of love is his by heritage.A few words will tell his story.