What could she have to conceal from me whose happiness she knew principally consisted in that of herself and her daughter? What Ihad done for the daughter I had done for myself, but the services Irendered the mother merited on her part some acknowledgement.She ought, at least, to have thought herself obliged for them to her daughter, and to have loved me for the sake of her by whom I was already beloved.I had raised her from the lowest state of wretchedness; she received from my hands the means of subsistence, and was indebted to me for her acquaintance with the persons from whom she found means to reap considerable benefit.Theresa had long supported her by her industry, and now maintained her with my bread.She owed everything to this daughter, for whom she had done nothing, and her other children, to whom she had given marriage portions, and on whose account she had ruined herself, far from giving her the least aid, devoured her substance and mine.I thought that in such a situation she ought to consider me as her only friend and most sure protector, and that, far from ****** of my own affairs a secret to me, and conspiring against me in my house, it was her duty faithfully to acquaint me with everything in which I was interested, when this came to her knowledge before it did to mine.In what light, therefore, could I consider her false and mysterious conduct? What could Ithink of the sentiments with which she endeavored to inspire her daughter? What monstrous ingratitude was hers, to endeavor to instill it into her from whom I expected my greatest consolation?
These reflections at length alienated my affections from this woman, and to such a degree that I could no longer look upon her but with contempt.I nevertheless continued to treat with respect the mother of the friend of my bosom, and in everything to show her almost the reverence of a son; but I must confess I could not remain long with her without pain, and that I never knew how to bear constraint.
This is another short moment of my life, in which I approached near to happiness without being able to attain it, and this by no fault of my own.Had the mother been of a good disposition we all three should have been happy to the end of our days; the longest liver only would have been to be pitied.Instead of which, the reader will see the course things took, and judge whether or not it was in my power to change it.
Madam de Vasseur, who perceived I had got more full possession of the heart of Theresa, and that she had lost ground with her, endeavored to regain it; and, instead of striving to restore herself to my good opinion by the mediation of her daughter, attempted to alienate her affections from me.One of the means she employed was to call her family to her aid.I had begged Theresa not to invite any of her relations to the Hermitage, and she had promised me she would not.These were sent for in my absence, without consulting her, and she was afterwards prevailed upon to promise not to say anything of the matter.After the first step was taken all the rest were easy.When once we make a secret of anything to the person we love, we soon make little scruple of doing it in everything; the moment I was at the Chevrette the Hermitage was full of people who sufficiently amused themselves.A mother has always great power over a daughter of a mild disposition; yet notwithstanding all the old woman could do, she was never able to prevail upon Theresa to enter into her views, nor to persuade her to join in the league against me.For her part, she resolved upon doing it forever, and seeing on one side her daughter and myself, who were in a situation to live, and that was all; on the other, Diderot, Grimm, D'Holbach and Madam d'Epinay, who promised great things, and gave some little ones, she could not conceive it was possible to be in the wrong with the wife of a farmer-general and a baron.Had I been more clear sighted, Ishould from this moment have perceived I nourished a serpent in my bosom.But my blind confidence, which nothing had yet diminished, was such that I could not imagine she wished to injure the person she ought to love.Though I saw numerous conspiracies formed on every side, all I complain of was the tyranny of persons who called themselves my friends, and who, as it seemed, would force me to be happy in the manner they should point out, and not in that I had chosen for myself.
Although Theresa refused to join in the confederacy with her mother, she afterwards kept her secret.For this her motive was commendable, although I will not determine whether she did it well or ill.Two women, who have secrets between them, love to prattle together; this attracted them towards each other, and Theresa, by dividing herself, sometimes let me feet I was alone; for I could no tonger consider as a society that which we all three formed.