"You tell me, madam, you have not well explained yourself, in order to make me understand I have explained myself ill.You speak of your pretended stupidity for the purpose of ****** me feel my own.You boast of being nothing more than a good kind of woman, as if you were afraid to be taken at your word, and you make me apologies to tell me I owe them to you.Yes, madam, I know it; it is I who am a fool, a good kind of man; and, if it be possible, worse than all this; it is I who make a bad choice of my expressions in the opinion of a fine French lady, who pays as much attention to words, and speaks as well as you do.But consider that I take them in the common meaning of the language without knowing or troubling my head about the polite acceptations in which they are taken in the virtuous societies of Paris.If my expressions are sometimes equivocal, Iendeavored by my conduct to determine their meaning," etc.The rest of the letter is much the same.
Coindet, enterprising, bold, even to effrontery, and who was upon the watch after all my friends, soon introduced himself in my name to the house of Madam de Verdelin, and, unknown to me, shortly became there more familiar than myself.This Coindet was an extraordinary man.He presented himself in my name in the houses of all my acquaintance, gained a footing in them, and ate there without ceremony.Transported with zeal to do me service, he never mentioned my name without his eyes being suffused with tears; but, when he came to see me, he kept the most profound silence on the subject of all these connections, and especially on that in which he knew Imust be interested.Instead of telling me what he had heard, said, or seen, relative to my affairs, he waited for my speaking to him, and even interrogated me.He never knew anything of what passed in Paris, except that which I told him: finally, although everybody spoke to me of him, he never once spoke to me of any person; he was secret and mysterious with his friend only; but I will for the present leave Coindet and Madam de Verdelin, and return to them at a proper time.
Sometime after my return to Mont-Louis, La Tour, the painter, came to see me, and brought with him my portrait in crayons, which a few years before he had exhibited at the saloon.He wished to give me this portrait, which I did not choose to accept.But Madam d'Epinay, who had given me hers, and would have had this, prevailed upon me to ask him for it.He had taken some time to retouch the features.In the interval happened my rupture with Madam d'Epinay; I returned her her portrait; and giving her mine being no longer in question, I put it into my chamber, in the castle.M.de Luxembourg saw it there, and found it a good one; I offered it him, he accepted it, and I sent it to the castle He and his lady comprehended I should be very.glad to have theirs.They had them taken in miniature by a very skillful hand, set in a box of rock crystal, mounted with gold, and in a very handsome manner, with which I was delighted, made me a present of both.Madam de Luxembourg would never consent that her portrait should be on the upper part of the box.She had reproached me several times with loving M.de Luxembourg better than I did her; I had not denied it because it was true.By this manner of placing her portrait she showed very politely, but very clearly, she had not forgotten the preference.
Much about this time I was guilty of a folly which did not contribute to preserve to me her good graces.Although I had no knowledge of M.de Silhouette, and was not much disposed to like him, I had a great opinion of his administration.When he began to let his hand fall rather heavily upon financiers, I perceived he did not begin his operation in a favorable moment, but he had my warmest wishes for his success; and as soon as I heard he was displaced Iwrote to him, in my intrepid, heedless manner, the following letter, which I certainly do not undertake to justify.
MONTMORENCY, 2d December, 1769.
"Vouchsafe, sir, to receive the homage of a solitary man, who is not known to you, but who esteems you for your talents, respects you for your administration, and who did you the honor to believe you would not long remain in it.Unable to save the State, except at the expense of the capital by which it has been ruined, you have braved the clamors of the gainers of money.When I saw you crush these wretches, I envied you your place; and at seeing you quit it without departing from your system, I admire you.Be satisfied with yourself, sir; the step you have taken will leave you an honor you will long enjoy without a competitor.The malediction of knaves is the glory of an honest man."Madam de Luxembourg, who knew I had written this letter, spoke to me of it when she came into the country at Easter.I showed it to her and she was desirous of a copy; this I gave her, but when I did it I did not know she was interested in under-farms, and the displacing of M.