Another four, three, two days, then the eve, then the day, the fatal day of payment! I tremble, I quake, I shudder, for it's the day of the old moon and the new.Then all my creditors take the oath, pay their deposits, I swear my downfall and my ruin.As for me, I beseech them to be reasonable, to be just, "My friend, do not demand this sum, wait a little for this other and give me time for this third one." Then they will pretend that at this rate they will never be repaid, will accuse me of bad faith and will threaten me with the law.Well then, let them sue me! I care nothing for that, if only Phidippides has learnt to speak fluently.I am going to find out;I'll knock at the door of the school.(He knocks.)....Ho! slave, slave!
SOCRATES (coming out)
Welcome! Strepsiades!
STREPSIADES
Welcome! Socrates! But first take this sack (offers him a sack of flour); it is right to reward the master with some present.And my son, whom you took off lately, has he learnt this famous reasoning?
Tell me.
SOCRATES
He has learnt it.
STREPSIADES
Wonderful! Oh! divine Knavery!
SOCRATES
You will win just as many causes as you choose.
STREPSIADES
Even if I have borrowed before witnesses?
SOCRATES
So much the better, even if there are a thousand of them!
STREPSIADES (bursting into song)
Then I am going to shout with all my might."Woe to the usurers, woe to their capital and their interest and their compound interest!
You shall play me no more bad turns.My son is being taught there, his tongue is being sharpened into a double-edged weapon; he is my defender, the saviour of my house, the ruin of my foes! His poor father was crushed down with misfortune and he delivers him." Go and call him to me quickly.Oh! my child! my dear little one! run forward to your father's voice!
SOCRATES (singing)
Lo, the man himself!
STREPSIADES (singing)
Oh, my friend, my dearest friend!
SOCRATES (singing)
Take your son, and get you gone.
STREPSIADES (as PHIDIPPIDES appears)
Oh, my son! oh! oh! what a pleasure to see your pallor! You are ready first to deny and then to contradict; it's as clear as noon.
What a child of your country you are! How your lips quiver with the famous, "What have you to say now?" How well you know, I am certain, to put on the look of a victim, when it is you who are ****** both victims and dupes! And what a truly Attic glance! Come, it's for you to save me, seeing it is you who have ruined me.
PHIDIPPIDES
What is it you fear then?
STREPSIADES
The day of the old and the new.
PHIDIPPIDES
Is there then a day of the old and the new?
STREPSIADES
The day on which they threaten to pay deposit against me.
PHIDIPPIDES
Then so much the worse for those who have deposited! for it's not possible for one day to be two.
STREPSIADES
What?
PHIDIPPIDES
Why, undoubtedly, unless a woman can be both old and young at the same time.
STREPSIADES
But so runs the law.
PHIDIPPIDES
I think the meaning of the law is quite misunderstood.
STREPSIADES
What does it mean?
PHIDIPPIDES
Old Solon loved the people.
STREPSIADES
What has that to do with the old day and the new?
PHIDIPPIDES
He has fixed two days for the summons, the last day of the old moon and the first day of the new; but the deposits must only be paid on the first day of the new moon.
STREPSIADES
And why did he also name the last day of the old?
PHIDIPPIDES
So, my dear sir, that the debtors, being there the day before, might free themselves by mutual agreement, or that else, if not, the creditor might begin his action on the morning of the new moon.
STREPSIADES
Why then do the magistrates have the deposits paid on the last of the month and not the next day?
PHIDIPPIDES
I think they do as the gluttons do, who are the first to pounce upon the dishes.Being eager to carry off these deposits, they have them paid in a day too soon.
STREPSIADES
Splendid! (to the audience) Ah! you poor brutes, who serve for food to us clever folk! You are only down here to swell the number, true blockheads, sheep for shearing, heap of empty pots! Hence Iwill sing a song of victory for my son and myself."Oh! happy, Strepsiades! what cleverness is thine! and what a son thou hast here!"Thus my friends and my neighbours will say, jealous at seeing me gain all my suits.But come in, I wish to regale you first.
(They both go in.A moment later a creditor arrives, with his witness.)PASIAS (to the WITNESS)
A man should never lend a single obolus.It would be better to put on a brazen face at the outset than to get entangled in such matters.I want to see my money again and I bring you here to-day to attest the loan.I am going to make a foe of a neighbour; but, as long as I live, I do not wish my country to have to blush for me.Come, Iam going to summon Strepsiades....
STREPSIADES (coming out of his house)
Who is this?
PASIAS
....for the old day and the new.
STREPSIADES (to the WITNESS)
I call you to witness, that he has named two days.What do you want of me?
PASIAS
I claim of you the twelve minae, which you borrowed from me to buy the dapple-grey horse.
STREPSIADES
A horse! do you hear him? I, who detest horses, as is well known.
PASIAS
I call Zeus to witness, that you swore by the gods to return them to me.
STREPSIADES
Because at that time, by Zeus! Phidippides did not yet know the irrefutable argument.
PASIAS
Would you deny the debt on that account?
STREPSIADES
If not, what use is his science to me?
PASIAS
Will you dare to swear by the gods that you owe me nothing?
STREPSIADES
By which gods?
PASIAS
By Zeus, Hermes and Posidon!
STREPSIADES
Why, I would give three obols for the pleasure of swearing by them.
PASIAS
Woe upon you, impudent knave!
STREPSIADES
Oh! what a fine wine-skin you would make if flayed!
PASIAS
Heaven! he jeers at me!
STREPSIADES
It would hold six gallons easily.
PASIAS
By great Zeus! by all the gods! you shall not scoff at me with impunity, STREPSIADESAh! how you amuse me with your gods! how ridiculous it seems to a sage to hear Zeus invoked.
PASIAS
Your blasphemies will one day meet their reward.But, come, will you repay me my money, yes or no? Answer me, that I may go.
STREPSIADES