书城外语英语PARTY——幽默加油站
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第5章

略略镇定后,维蕾拉到机舱前部去告诉史密斯她的经历。他不在那儿。她后来得知,有人告知州长,他的飞行被一位紧急待机乘客冲撞掉了。这个人就是维蕾拉。

At the Supermarket

At the supermarket I noticed an elderly man who seemed to be following me wherever I went. As I moved to each aisle, there he was, smiling at me. Now I was wondering if he was interested in me. At the dairy counter I was checking out the eggs when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw that it was the same man. “Lady,” he finally said, “you have my shopping cart.” Notes:

(1) aisle n.超市中两个货架之间的走道

(2) dairy n.售牛奶、奶油、鸡蛋的柜台、商店

(3) check out(超市上)付款离开 在超级市场

在超市我注意到一位上了年纪的男子好像总在跟着我。我每到一个售货通道,他就跟我到一个售货通道,微笑地看着我。我开始想他是不是喜欢上我了。在乳品柜,我正给鸡蛋包装结账时,有人在我肩上轻拍了一下。我转过身发现还是那个男子。“女士,”他终于开口说话了,“你用着我的采货车呢。”

An Adult Decision

The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one. He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough, a few days after his 18th birthday, he come home with a tattoo. Although I was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculinity he had chosen. There, on his shoulder, was a twoinch image of Mickey Mouse.

Notes:

(1) constantly adv. 不断地

(2) tattoo n. 文身

(3) permission n. 允许

(4) masculinity n. 阳性,男性

(5) image n. 形象,肖像

(6) Mickey Mouse 米老鼠 成年人的抉择

我儿子十八岁前的那一年,他常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这样做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了,并说他应该能够作出成年人的抉择了。果然,十八岁生日的几天后,他文了身,回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴,但出于好奇,我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来是他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。

Back Up Two Miles

A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his horn.

“If you don,t back up,” said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, “I won,t like what I,m going to have to do.” The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by.

“What was it you wouldn,t have liked to have done back there?” asked the farmer,s son.

“Back up two miles,” replied the farmer. Notes:

(1) back up 退后

(2) buggy n.轻便马车

(3) honk v.(旧式汽车喇叭)声

退后两英里

一位农夫和他的儿子乘坐轻便马车来到一段窄路,他们遇到一个开车的人向相反的方向去。两个方向的两英里以内都没有地方可以使他们相擦而过。驾车人甚是着急,按响了喇叭。

“如果你不后退,”农夫说着撸起了袖子,“我可不喜欢我将不得不做的事。”司机吃惊不小,挂上倒挡,向后退了两英里,让轻便马车先过去。

“刚才在那儿你说过的你不喜欢要做的事是什么?”农夫的儿子问道。

“退后两英里,”农夫回答道。

Bad Business

A salesman was chatting with the owner of a motel.“Business is terrible,” said the motel owner. “Really bad.”

“But every time I drive by here you have the no vacancysign on. ” said the salesman.

“That,s true,” replied the motel owner. “But I used to turn away 30 to 35 people a night. Now, I only turn away 10 to 15.”

Notes:

(1) motel n.汽车旅馆

(2) vacancy n.空缺 (3) turn away n.谢绝 生意不好

一个商人在和汽车旅馆的主人闲聊。“生意大糟了,”旅馆主人说,“真的太糟了。”

“可是每次我驾车经过这儿,你都挂上了客满的牌子,”商人说。

“那倒是真的。”旅馆主人答道,“可是过去我一夜就谢绝三十至三十五人,而如今只能谢绝十至十五人。”

Boy, Oh Boy

When they,re together, my fiveyearold son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. One Saturday, I put my foot down. “All right, you two,” I said sternly. “No screaming, grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting.”

As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, “C,mon, Steven, let,s get dirty . ”

Notes:

(1) tend to(do)倾向;趋向

(2) mayhem n.大混乱;大灾害

(3) put one,s foot down开始抗议

(4) sternly adv.严厉地

(5) whine v.哭闹

(6) tease v.取笑

(7) tattle v.扯淡 让人无奈的孩子

我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候,总要招来大乱。一个星期六,我开始抗议了。“好啦,你们两个,”我严厉地说,“不许叫喊,不许乱拿,不许哭闹,不许乱敲,不许取笑,不许扯淡,不许弄坏玩具,不许乱抓,不许打架。”

我刚转身要走,就听我儿子说:“来,斯蒂文,我们来把自己弄脏吧。”

Bring Me a Glass of Milk

At 2 a. m. Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living room. “Tiptoe downstairs,” she told her husband.“Don, t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knows what,s happening .”

Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door, his wife added, “And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk.”

Notes:

(1) convince v.使信服

(2) prowler n.偷窃者

(3) tiptoe v.踮着脚走

(4) sneak v.潜行;偷偷走

(5) dutifully adv.尽职地 捎杯牛奶

半夜两点,科尔肯太太确信听到客厅有贼,便对丈夫说:“别开灯,蹑手蹑脚下楼,别让贼发觉,悄悄靠近他。”

科尔肯先生披上外套,责无旁贷地去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口,他妻子又补充说:“回来时给我捎杯牛奶。”

Bull Wrestler

A bull wrestler was visiting his friend in a small town, and one night they stayed a little too long at the pub. Not wanting to drive, they decided to walk home. As they were crossing a farmer,s field, a bull charged them. The wrestler grabbed the bull by the horns, and they went down in a snarling heap. Finally the bull jumped up and ran away. “Wow,” said the friend, “that was quite a tussle. ”

“Yeah,” the wrestler replied, “and if I hadn,t had that last drink, I would have gotten that guy off his bicycle.”

Notes:

(1) bull wrestler斗牛士,也作bullfighter。

(2) charge v.袭击

(3) grab v.抓,握

(4) snarl v.缠结,纠结

(5) heap n.堆

(6) tussle n.扭打,扭斗

斗牛士

一个斗牛士在一个小镇拜访他的朋友。一天夜里他们在酒馆里待的时间稍长了一点。他们不想搭车,就决定步行回家。他们在穿过一片农田时,一头牛向他们冲过来。斗牛士抓住了牛的两只角,他们扭打在一起。最后牛跳起来跑走了。

“哇,”他朋友说,“好一场搏斗哇。”

“哦,”斗牛士回答说,“要不是我多喝了一杯,我非把那家伙从自行车上拽下来不可。”

Coffee Problem

A man was at the doctor,s office. “Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?” he asked.

“Take the spoon out of your cup. ” answered the doctor.

Notes:

(1) stabbing adj.刺痛的

(2) spoon n.匙子

咖啡问题

一位男子来到医生的办公室。“医生,每次我喝咖啡,我的右眼都有刺痛感。您说我该怎么办?”他问道。

“把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。”医生回答说。

Day After Day

A teacher was always so involved in the text being studied that he never looked up. He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and-without realizing it-he often chose the same student day after day. Out of respect, the student wouldn,t point this out to him.

After being called on four days in a row, a student named Goldberg asked advice from his friends. The next day when the teacher said “Goldberg, translate and explain,” Goldberg replied, “Goldberg is absent today .”

“All right,” said the teacher. “You translate and explain. ”

Notes:

(1) be involved in 卷入;投入 (2) out of respect出于尊敬

日复一日

一位老师对所讲课文总是非常投入,从不抬头。他常让一个学生来翻译和解释,并且——不自觉地——他常日复一日地叫同一个学生。出于尊敬,学生并不给他指出这一点。

一个叫古德伯格的学生,在被一连叫了四天之后,向他的朋友寻求建议。第二天,这位教师又说:“古德伯格,翻译并解释。”古德伯格回答说:“古德伯格今天缺席。”

“那好吧,”教师说,“那就你来翻译并解释。”

Diet Tribe

Mom was very proud that she,d lost ten pounds. On the way to the store with my husband and me she talked of little else. We dropped her off in the lingerie department, but when we returned, we couldn,t find her. Thinking she might be in the fitting room, I asked the saleswoman if she had seen my mother. “What does she look like?” the clerk asked.

My husband said simply, “She just lost ten pounds. ”

“Third door on the left.” the woman replied with a smile. Notes:

(1) drop sb off将某人送到(某处)

(2) lingerie n.女内衣

(3) fitting room试衣室 节食族