书城外语英语PARTY——趣味拼盘
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第13章 Super Humour超级无厘头(1)

A Taste of Fast Food

Grandpa: It,s time for dinner, Bao Bao. Wash up!

Grandson (Bao Bao, 12 years old): Aw Grandpa, I don,t want rice again. Can you take me to KFC tonight? Please?

Grandpa: I suppose so, but you,ll have to show me where it is. We,ll take the bus.

At the counter of KFC:

Grandpa: Why are children so crazy about chicken wings and hamburgers? What,s so good about them?

Grandson: Hmm...hmm. Hey, I,ll take 2 chicken wings and a Coke, OK?

At the table:

Grandpa: Bao Bao, do you like being Chinese or do you sometimes wish you could live in America or Europe?

Grandson: Uh, maybe America, I think the foods there are cool. Why?

Grandpa: Well, when I was your age, I liked to go out with my parents and eat in a Chinese restaurant. We didn,t have chicken wings or the drink with bubbles. We drank tea and we had rice and traditionaltraditional adj.传统的, 惯例的, 口传的, 传说的 Chinese dishes.

Grandson: Grandpa, I want some French fries. Can I have some?

Grandpa: Phew ... all right! Children are children after all. Bao Bao, do you know what children ate in the past? They ate spring rolls when spring was coming, glutinous riceglutinous rice n.糯米 balls during the Lantern Festival and if they behavedbehave vi.举动, 举止, 运转 v.行为表现 well, their parents would probably buy them small steamed bread made with corn flour... I can still remember the taste, that sweet ...

Grandson: I want more chicken wings, can I, Grandpa?

Grandpa: You,ve already eaten too much of that, Bao Bao! A lot of your friends are getting fat too ... you know, in the good old days, we ...

Grandson: Grandpa, pass the ketchupketchup n.调味番茄酱, kay?

亲历快餐

爷爷:宝宝,该吃晚饭了,去洗洗手吧。

孙子(宝宝,12岁):噢,爷爷,我不想吃米饭!您能带我去吃肯德基吗?求您啦!

爷爷:好吧,只是你得告诉我它在哪儿。我们坐公交车去吧。

在肯德基的柜台前:

爷爷:为什么孩子们如此热衷于鸡翅和汉堡呢?有什么好吃的?

孙子:嗯,我要两个鸡翅和一杯可乐,可以吗?

在餐桌旁:

爷爷:宝宝,你是喜欢当个中国人,还是有时候会想当个美国人或是欧洲人?

孙子:嗯,也许想当个美国人吧,那里的食物都很酷。为什么要问这个?

爷爷:喔,在我像你这么大时,我喜欢跟我的父母一起去中国餐馆吃饭。我们那时没有鸡翅,也没有这种会冒泡的饮料。我们喝茶,吃米饭和传统的中国菜。

孙子:爷爷,我想吃薯条,行不行啊?

爷爷:哟,好吧!毕竟是孩子!宝宝,你知道过去的孩子吃什么吗?春天来了,他们会吃春卷;元宵节时,他们会吃元宵。如果表现得好,父母还会给他们买玉米面做的小窝头……我至今还记得那滋味儿,甜甜的……

孙子:我想再要点鸡翅,可以吗,爷爷?

爷爷:宝宝,你已经吃了不少啦。你的很多朋友都变胖了。你知道吗?在过去那些好日子里,我们……

孙子:爷爷,把番茄酱递给我一下!

Towering Policeman

The shopliftershoplifter n.商店扒手 screams in shock as three towering French policemen speed towards him, grab his arms and legs, lift him up and drag him away-on rollerblade.Within seconds, rollerblading officer Stephane Ajuelos has handcuffed a colleaguecolleague n.同事, 同僚 posing as a thief.This is all part of the training programme for the Paris polices latest weapon in the fight against crime-a 50strong rollerblading police squad.“Criminals are totally taken abackaback adv.向后地,”said Ajuelos.“Some dont even try to run away when they see us. We,re tall on our blades, and very fast. They know they don,t have a chance to escape.”

Officers on rollerblade have been spotted in places like Amsterdam, London, Miami Beach and Stockholm, but they can,t beat the French capital,s speedy force.

The rollerblading officers, who patrol the streets of Paris in blue uniforms, wearing knee and elbow pads and crash helmetshelmet n.头盔, 钢盔, provoke mixed reactions among Parisians.

“It makes the officers seem more young and fun,”said Alain Croullebois, 37, adding that French police in general have become much stricter since the government made it easier for officers to hand out fines.

旱冰警察

在巴黎,一名“窃贼”看到警察踩着滚轴溜冰鞋冲过来捉住他时,吓呆了。只用了几秒时间,“溜冰警察”就为这个贼人扣上了手铐。原来这是巴黎警察最近的反罪恶训练的内容之一。巴黎警方近日挑选了50名精壮警察参加训练,组建了“旱冰小分队”。其中一名成员说:“犯人见到我们就被完全吓住了。他们有的甚至看见了我们也不敢跑了。我们穿着旱冰鞋时显得特别高大,而且跑得快,他们知道自己没机会逃脱了。”

巴黎是继阿姆斯特丹、伦敦、迈阿密和斯德哥尔摩后,第五个派“溜冰警察”上街巡逻的城市,不过,当中速度最快的应该算是巴黎了,因为他们的创办人是前速滑冠军呢!

上街参加巡逻的“溜冰警察”身穿蓝色制服,膝盖和手肘都戴上保护装备,头戴钢盔,十分威猛。巴黎市民的反应也很好,一位市民说:“这让警官们看上去更加年青和有趣。”

Generation Hexed

They,re qualified, even overqualifiedoverqualified adj.资历过高的. They,re talented. And they,ve been laid off - some three or four times. As industries with hipster credmusic, fashion, publishing - winnow their ranks, young, creative New Yorkers are wondering if the jobs they moved to the city for have disappeared forever.

Arye Dworken has theories for just about everything. He has theories about the likelihood of a doubledip recessionrecession n.撤回, 退回, 退后, 工商业之衰退, 不景气, about whether we,re witnessing the demise of industries like publishing and the music business.

Dworken, 27, a freelance journalist and ad copywritercopywriter n.广告文编写人, is sharing one of his theories with me on a cold, blustery afternoon in February outside the Virgin Mega store in Times Square.“I,ve been thinking a lot about karma lately,” says Dworken, a diminutivediminutive adj.小的, 指小的, 小型的 n.小的人, 指小辞, 指小词, 爱称 guy with a scruffyscruffy adj.肮脏的, 不整洁的, 破旧的 beard and a nebbish New York accent who is dressed in a black North Face ski jacket, blue jeans. “I think there,s a reason that certain people get to the top. And that is good karma, not making people unhappy, being appreciative.”

Dworken,s been laid off from positions at the Oxygen network, an ad agency that he,d rather not name, and, most recently, HBO. Each layoff had its own special misery, but the ad agencyagency n.代理处, 行销处, 代理, 中介 took the cake. “About 60 employees, including me, were brought into the company cafeteria,”Dworken explains, “and the CEO said, We would,ve liked to lay you off individually, but that would have taken too much time.”

Temp jobs-and the occasional freelancefreelance n. 自由作家;自由记者 piece for magazines like Spin-have helped Dworken pay the bills on the fourbedroom apartment he shares with three roommates uptown. But even menial temp jobs-such as working in the basement of Sports Illustrated, bar-coding old photo negatives-have been hard to come by. And forget about jobs in industries that Dworken would like to work in, all of which, he says, feel impossibly out of reach. “The response isGreat résumé, we,d love to have you, but we have 400 résumés. Sometimes I feel like I have a better chance of becoming the CEO of Lehman Brothers,”he adds, “than getting some of the jobs I apply for.”