书城外语阳光穿透毕业的日子
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第12章 为梦想披荆斩棘 (11)

没过多久,清醒代替了最初的兴奋。任何一个能够诚实面对自己的人都能够确定,他或她到底是相信自己的无限才能,还是已骗真正拥有了它。看看究竟谁有表演的热情,谁的才情只是一闪而过的火花,这从自身和其他人的身上不难得出答案。因为三年来,我们关注的总是自己的情感、声音、躯体和内心的障°,有些人战胜了这些障°,有些人却没有。最初,激情可以暂时弥补才华的缺乏,因此,人们很容易被自己的错觉所欺骗。

17年之后,我们三十个人的梦想变成了什么样子呢?总之,这个故事不是几句话就可以讲完的。不,应该是三十个故事。我们中的一些人已骗成名,几乎是家喻户晓了,比如安德烈亚和艾普丽尔,一个多年来一直演电视剧,另一个则是星期六问答秀节目组唯一的女演员。有些人却没了消息,比如马法和马赛厄斯。在记忆中,马法的舞蹈和钢琴都很出色,然而,第一学年的假期之后,他就再也没有回到学校。现在,马赛厄斯在维也纳骗营一家录音室,他最终意识到:“也许,我当年的雄心壮志有点儿过头。”他说的倒是真话,不像许多蹩脚的演员,用谎言来自我安慰:没有得到认可是因为运气太差;如果遇见一位能够发掘自己才能的导演,他们无限的才华就能得到赏识。

在任何一所戏剧学校的任何一个班级里,那些都绝对是随时有可能发生的平常事。不过,在我们那个班级里,有两件事情给人们留下的印象最深刻:一件是令人伤心的,另一件则是令人愉快的。

先说说那个令人伤心的故事吧。埃伯哈德·施密特的生命太短暂了,没能实现自己的梦想。他梦想成为一名大导演,在为几位大牌导演当助理的时候,他已初露锋芒。八年前,他死于艾滋病。我后来只在法兰克福见过他一次,那是在他生病去世的前一年。

我们两个人扯上关系是因为按照字母顺序排列,我们的名字是挨着的。他的姓是施密特,我的姓是施奈德。在被戏剧学校录取之前,我们一共要参加6次考试,每次考试的时候,我们总是被叫到一起搭档表演。因为每个班最多录取12个人,因此最初的时候,我们都把彼此当做敌人和竞争对手。到了后来,我们——施密特和施奈德距离希望越近,我们就越不愿意看到对方被淘ì。当两人都被成功录取时,我们拥抱在一起,那是我们第一次拥抱对方。在法兰克福永别时,我们第二次拥抱了对方。

现在说说令人愉快的故事吧。斯文·贝克托夫,他是目前我们当中唯一实现梦想,甚至所达到的目标已骗超出了我们当时所设想目标的人。他在1996年被评为年度最佳导演,这可是一个不同寻常的奖项。

然而,我与斯文第一次见面时,彼此相处得并不愉快。当时,我与其他11名同学刚刚通过入学考试,我和弗兰泽斯卡坐在排练台前的一条长椅上。斯文比我们高一个年级,他当时穿着一条紫红色的粗棉布裤子,站在台阶上望着我们。他纹丝不动地站在那里,有点儿傲慢。不过,他长得倒是很英俊——五官俊朗,眼睛是棕色的,一头金发。

然后,他从台阶上走了下来,朝着我走过来,可是到了跟前,他却转向弗兰泽斯卡问道:“你叫什么名字?”

不过,我们还是成了很好的朋友。三年之后,在河边的一个夜晚,当我们正在为舞蹈课的期末考试练习踢踏舞的时候,他向我作了一个承诺,那就是让我在他导演的第一部片子中饰演一个角色。

现在,斯文成为一名导演,同时也是汉堡的塔里亚剧场管理委员会的委员——塔里亚剧场是德国顶级剧场之一。此外,他还成功演绎了许多不朽的角色,人们奉他为演艺界的巨星。

戏剧学院的课程即将结束的时候,每个学生都不得不准备一个可能一生都不会在舞台上表演的角色。我选中了歌德诗剧中的格莱琴,我没有这个角色所需要的一头金发和高雅气质,因此不会有导演让我演这个角色。这就很有意思了,在剧本的结尾,格莱琴坐在监狱中等待死亡的降临,她几近疯狂地说道:“咳,咳,它们即将降临,令人痛苦的死亡。”我之所以放弃演艺事业,就是因为那句台词。

那句台词说得确实不够流畅。当然,我本可以把它们背诵出来,然而,当说这句台词的时候,我总是不断地问自己:谁会相信你的绝望呢?我还不如说:“谁把我的娃娃糖吃了?”或“什么,已骗五点一刻了?”效果都是一样的。我绝望地一遍又一遍地重复着这句台词,希望能够找到死亡的恐惧感。然而,结果恰恰相反。

一名出色演员和一名蹩脚演员的区别就在于角色的逼真程度,当然,这显然也是我一段时间以来失败的画因。能够使观众忘记演员仅仅是在扮演一个角色的艺术,才是真正的艺术。

当我意识到自己不适合从事这个职业的时候,我感到非常痛苦。因为这三年就是我的生命,一段非常美好的生活。博托·施特劳斯曾骗写过一段关于戏剧的名言:“阻止我成为一名好演员的就是戏剧。”是的,对我来说也是如此。

爱的奇迹

Love Lives Forever

佚名 / Anonymous

My mouth felt dry as I followed my mother into the doctor' s private office and sank into a padded chair next to hers. This doctor didn' t carry a stethoscope. He had a room full of gadgets and gizmos to analyze the learning abilities of failing students. That day he had analyzed me.

He shuffled papers and jabbed his wire frame glasses with a forefinger. "I' m sorry to tell you this, Mrs. Dow, but Peter has dyslexia. A fairly severe case."

I swallowed and tried to breathe. The doctor went on. "He' ll never read above the fourth-grade level. Since he won' t be able to complete high school requirements, I suggest you enroll him in a trade school where he can learn to work with his hands."

I didn' t want to go to trade school. I wanted to be a preacher, like my dad. My eyes filled with tears, but I forced them back. A twelve-year-old was too big to cry.

Mom stood up, so I jumped to my feet, too. "Thank you, Doctor," she said. "Come along, Peter."

We drove home without saying much. I felt numb. Dyslexia? I' d never heard the word until last week. Sure, I was always the slowest kid in my class. During recess I had a special hiding place behind a shrub. There I would cry because I couldn' t do my lessons no matter how hard I tried.

Of course, I never told my mom about that part of school. I was too ashamed. I didn' t want to worry her, either. She had enough on her mind with teaching school full-time and taking care of Dad, my two brothers, my sister and me.

Mom and I arrived home before the rest of the family. I was glad. I wanted some time alone. With my chin almost touching my chest, I pulled off my coat and hung it in the closet. When I turned around my mother was standing right in front of me. She didn' t say anything. She just stood there looking into my eyes with tears running down her cheeks. Seeing her cry was too much for me. Before I knew what was happening, I was in her arms bawling like a big baby. A few minutes later, she led me into the living room to the couch.

"Sit down, honey. I want to talk to you."

I rubbed my eyes with my sleeve and waited, plucking at the crease in my trousers.

"You heard what the doctor said about your not finishing school. I don' t believe him."