书城外语欧·亨利经典短篇小说
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第79章 30Innocents of Broadway(3)

He’s lived twenty years on one street without learning asmuch as you would in getting a once-over shave from alockjawed barber in a Kansas crossroads town. But he’s aNew Yorker, and he’ll brag about that all the time whenhe isn’t picking up live wires or getting in front of streetcars or paying out money to wire-tappers or standingunder a safe that’s being hoisted into a skyscraper. Whena New Yorker does loosen up,’ says I, ‘it’s like the springdecomposition of the ice jam in the Allegheny River. He’llswamp you with cracked ice and back-water if you don’tget out of the way.

“‘It’s mighty lucky for us, Andy,’ says I, ‘that this cigarexponent with the parsley dressing saw fit to bedeck uswith his childlike trust and altruism. For,’ says I, ‘thismoney of his is an eyesore to my sense of rectitude andethics. We can’t take it, Andy; you know we can’t,’ says I,‘for we haven’t a shadow of a title to it—not a shadow. Ifthere was the least bit of a way we could put in a claimto it I’d be willing to see him start in for another twentyyears and make another 5,000 for himself, but we haven’tsold him anything, we haven’t been embroiled in a tradeor anything commercial. He approached us friendly,’ saysI, ‘and with blind and beautiful idiocy laid the stuff in ourhands. We’ll have to give it back to him when he wants it.’

“‘Your arguments,’ says Andy, ‘are past criticism orcomprehension. No, we can’t walk off with the money—asthings now stand. I admire your conscious way of doingbusiness, Jeff,’ says Andy, ‘and I wouldn’t propose anythingthat wasn’t square in line with your theories of moralityand initiative.

“‘But I’ll be away to-night and most of to-morrow Jeff,’

says Andy. ‘I’ve got some business affairs that I want toattend to. When this free greenbacks party comes in to-morrow afternoon hold him here till I arrive. We’ve all gotan engagement for dinner, you know.’

“Well, sir, about 5 the next afternoon in trips the cigarman, with his eyes half open.

“‘Been having a glorious time, Mr. Peters,’ says he. ‘Tookin all the sights. I tell you New York is the onliest only.

Now if you don’t mind,’ says he, ‘I’ll lie down on thatcouch and doze off for about nine minutes before Mr.

Tucker comes. I’m not used to being up all night. And tomorrow,if you don’t mind, Mr. Peters, I’ll take that fivethousand. I met a man last night that’s got a sure winner atthe racetrack to-morrow. Excuse me for being so impoliteas to go to sleep, Mr. Peters.’

“And so this inhabitant of the second city in the worldreposes himself and begins to snore, while I sit there musingover things and wishing I was back in the West, where youcould always depend on a customer fighting to keep hismoney hard enough to let your conscience take it from him.

“At half-past 5 Andy comes in and sees the sleepingform.

“‘I’ve been over to Trenton,’ says Andy, pulling a documentout of his pocket. ‘I think I’ve got this matter fixed up allright, Jeff. Look at that.’

“I open the paper and see that it is a corporation charterissued by the State of New Jersey to ‘The Peters andTucker Consolidated and Amalgamated Aerial FranchiseDevelopment Company, Limited.’

“‘It’s to buy up rights of way for airship lines,’ explainedAndy. ‘The Legislature wasn’t in session, but I found aman at a postcard stand in the lobby that kept a stock ofcharters on hand. There are 100,000 shares,’ says Andy,‘expected to reach a par value of 1. I had one blankcertificate of stock printed.’

“Andy takes out the blank and begins to fill it in with afountain pen.

“‘The whole bunch,’ says he, ‘goes to our friend indreamland for 5,000. Did you learn his name?’

“‘Make it out to bearer,’ says I.

“We put the certificate of stock in the cigar man’s handand went out to pack our suit cases.

“On the ferryboat Andy says to me: ‘Is your conscienceeasy about taking the money now, Jeff?’

“‘Why shouldn’t it be?’ says I. ‘Are we any better thanany other Holding Corporation?’”