And those swearings keep as true in soul As doth that orbed continent the fire That severs day from night. DUKE ORSINO Give me thy hand;
And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds. VIOLA The captain that did bring me first on shore Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit, A gentleman, and follower of my lady's. OLIVIA He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
And yet, alas, now I remember me, They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.
Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN A most extracting frenzy of mine own From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
How does he, sirrah? Clown Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a letter to you; I should have given't you to-day morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much when they are delivered. OLIVIA Open't, and read it. Clown Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers the madman.
Reads 'By the Lord, madam,'-- OLIVIA How now! art thou mad? Clown No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox. OLIVIA Prithee, read i' thy right wits. Clown So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear. OLIVIA Read it you, sirrah.
To FABIAN FABIAN [Reads] 'By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.
Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of and speak out of my injury.
THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.' OLIVIA Did he write this? Clown Ay, madam. DUKE ORSINO This savours not much of distraction. OLIVIA See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither.
Exit FABIAN My lord so please you, these things further thought on, To think me as well a sister as a wife, One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you, Here at my house and at my proper cost. DUKE ORSINO Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.
To VIOLA Your master quits you; and for your service done him, So much against the mettle of your ***, So far beneath your soft and tender breeding, And since you call'd me master for so long, Here is my hand: you shall from this time be Your master's mistress. OLIVIA A sister! you are she.
Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO DUKE ORSINO Is this the madman? OLIVIA Ay, my lord, this same.
How now, Malvolio! MALVOLIO Madam, you have done me wrong, Notorious wrong. OLIVIA Have I, Malvolio? no. MALVOLIO Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
You must not now deny it is your hand:
Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;
Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:
You can say none of this: well, grant it then And tell me, in the modesty of honour, Why you have given me such clear lights of favour, Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you, To put on yellow stockings and to frown Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;
And, acting this in an obedient hope, Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd, Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest, And made the most notorious geck and gull That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why. OLIVIA Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing, Though, I confess, much like the character But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.
And now I do bethink me, it was she First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling, And in such forms which here were presupposed Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:
This practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee;
But when we know the grounds and authors of it, Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge Of thine own cause. FABIAN Good madam, hear me speak, And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come Taint the condition of this present hour, Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not, Most freely I confess, myself and Toby Set this device against Malvolio here, Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts We had conceived against him: Maria writ The letter at Sir Toby's great importance;
In recompense whereof he hath married her.
How with a sportful malice it was follow'd, May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
If that the injuries be justly weigh'd That have on both sides pass'd. OLIVIA Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee! Clown Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'
But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:' and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges. MALVOLIO I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.
Exit OLIVIA He hath been most notoriously abused. DUKE ORSINO Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:
He hath not told us of the captain yet:
When that is known and golden time convents, A solemn combination shall be made Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister, We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;
For so you shall be, while you are a man;
But when in other habits you are seen, Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.
Exeunt all, except Clown Clown [Sings]
When that I was and a little tiny boy, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, A foolish thing was but a toy, For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man's estate, With hey, ho, & c.
'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate, For the rain, & c.
But when I came, alas! to wive, With hey, ho, & c.
By swaggering could I never thrive, For the rain, & c.
But when I came unto my beds, With hey, ho, & c.
With toss-pots still had drunken heads, For the rain, & c.
A great while ago the world begun, With hey, ho, & c.
But that's all one, our play is done, And we'll strive to please you every day.