书城公版THE CONFESSIONS
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第116章 [1741](3)

Being this time more at leisure, I saw her more frequently, and she made the most sensible impressions on my heart.I had some reason to believe her own was not unfavorable to my pretensions; but she honored me with her confidence so far as to remove from me all temptation to allure her partiality.She had no fortune, and in this respect exactly resembled myself; our situations were too similar to permit us to become united; and with the views I then had, I was far from thinking of marriage.She gave me to understand that a young merchant, one M.Geneve, seemed to wish to obtain her hand.I saw him once or twice at her lodgings; he appeared to me to be an honest man, and this was his general character.Persuaded she would be happy with him, I was desirous he should marry her, which he afterwards did; and that I might not disturb their innocent love, Ihastened my departure; offering up, for the happiness of that charming woman, prayers, which, here below, were not long heard.Alas! her time was very short, for I afterwards heard she died in the second or third year after her marriage.My mind, during the journey, was wholly absorbed in tender regret.I felt, and since that time, when these circumstances have been present to my recollection, have frequently done the same; that although the sacrifices made to virtue and our duty may sometimes be painful, we are well rewarded by the agreeable remembrance they leave deeply engraven in our hearts.

I this time saw Paris in as favorable a point of views as it had appeared to me in an unfavorable one at my first journey; not that my ideas of its brilliancy arose from the splendor of my lodgings: for in consequence of an address given me by M.Bordes, I resided at the Hotel St.Quentin, Rue des Cordiers, near the Sorbonne; a vile street, a miserable hotel, and a wretched apartment: but nevertheless a house in which several men of merit, such as Gresset, Bordes, Abbe Mably, Condillac, and several others, of whom unfortunately I found not one, had taken up their quarters: but I there met with M.

Bonnefond, a man unacquainted with the world, lame, litigious, and who affected to be a purist.To him I owe the acquaintance of M.Roguin, at present the oldest friend I have, and by whose means I became acquainted with Diderot, of whom I shall soon have occasion to say a good deal.

I arrived at Paris in the autumn of 1741, with fifteen louis in my purse, and with my comedy of Narcissus and my musical project in my pocket.These composed my whole stock, consequently, I had not much time to lose before I attempted to turn the latter to some advantage.I therefore immediately thought of ****** use of my recommendations.

A young man who arrives at Paris, with a tolerable figure, and announces himself by his talents, is sure to be well received.This was my good fortune, which procured me some pleasures without leading to anything solid.Of all persons to whom I was recommended, three only were useful to me.M.Damesin, a gentleman of Savoy, at that time equerry, and I believe favorite, of the Princess of Carignan; M.de Boze, secretary to the Academy of Inscriptions, and keeper of the medals of the king's cabinet; and Father Castle, a Jesuit, author of the Clavecin oculaire.** An effort to produce sensations of melody by combinations of colors.

All these recommendations, except that to M.Damesin, were given me by the Abbe de Mably.

M.Damesin provided me with that which was most needful, by means of two persons with whom he brought me acquainted.One was M.Gasc, president a mortier of the parliament of Bordeaux, and who played very well upon the violin; the other, the Abbe de Leon, who then lodged in the Sorbonne, a young nobleman, extremely amiable, who died in the flower of his age, after having, for a few moments, made a figure in the world under the name of the Chevalier de Rohan.Both these gentlemen had an inclination to learn composition.In this Igave them lessons for a few months, by which means my decreasing purse received some little aid.The Abbe de Leon conceived a friendship for me, and wished me to become his secretary; but he was far from being rich, and all the salary he could offer me was eight hundred livres, which, with infinite regret, I refused; since it was insufficient to defray the expenses of my lodging, food and clothing.